Everyday it’s a struggle, even with the medication. It seems like we haven’t found the right mix of medication yet.I had’t written on my blog because, I vowed to make this blog a blog of inspiration and hope. Not a blog of anger, sorrow and hate. So, I hadn’t written because I was depressed for almost three months.
A lot has happened in three months.
I wanted to say, that in the midst of darkness when you feel like giving up hold on. When you don’t hear the voice of another living soul hold onto the voice that is true to who you are. Sometimes not even God will respond, but you still have to hold onto the messages that was last spoken to your heart. I’ve lost a lot of relationships, a lot of friends, a fiancee, forever family, a home money and almost my mind but I still had a part of me. A part of me that knew my worth, knew my truth, knew what was right, honest and good.
With bipolar disorder and any mental illness, it’s hard. Not impossible. My pastor once told me to never curse my crisis. Sometimes, I want to and I come close to it, but when it’s over I see Glory and I feel VICTORIOUS.
I had been depressed for about 3 months. I’m still in and out of depression, and then one day I got a 95% on an exam. School means a lot to me because it’s my passion, but depression was stealing that joy from me. That 95% released me from that. Yes, I’m still semi-down and having crying spells, but it’s not as bad. That 95% gave me hope, that this depression is going to lift. As hard as I studied for that mid-term exam, if I keep fighting it will lift 100%.
Tears won’t always flow. There will be sunshine. So I guess to my readers, and to myself, remember this. It’s okay to cry, but find more reasons to smile and laugh. Life is short, take all the good you can out of it.