Tag Archives: self discovery

Kujichagulia; where is it?

Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

Kwanzaa KujichaguliaThe past three years have been years of triumph for me. I overcame my mental illness. It’s still there, and bad days still come however, it doesn’t affect me like it used to. I overcame homelessness. I’m not in a condo but no longer in a shelter. I graduated from college! I lost my grandmother and gained personal strength. I came out as transgender (FtM) and started HRT and I’m loving the journey. I lost my family and created a new one. In spite of all my loss and gain, I never lost my faith.

I took control of my life. I’m setting the course for my destiny.  I’m fighting doubt, some days depression, some days energy in order to be the best I can be. I’m fighting an eating disorder that I tried to bury for years. I’m winning each fight.

No longer timid or shy. Not as afraid of tomorrow as I once was. I’m gaining my barrings. I am finding a love for life, for people, nature, and animals. I see God in the little details of life not just in the blessings.

Kujichagulia is my favorite principle of Kwanzaa because it’s where I get to see my physical strengths and literal improvements. While on my journey through school, I realize that everyone’s pace in life is different. We don’t all walk or run the same distance or at the same speed. It took me 9 years to graduate. Many of my friends are done with their Master’s degrees and becoming doctors and lawyers. Some are parents and married. And I’m just starting to bud. That’s ok! I realize that it’s ok! I’m not my friends and they are not me, and as long as we win in this life, that’s what matters.

Kujichagulia is about celebrating our journey. Seeing our strength. Valuing the superpowers and the capabilities the Creator gave us. No longer comparing and shaming but seeing our journey as pure beauty. Kujichagulia reminds that I am allowed to be who I want to be. Love who I want to love. Live however peacefully as I can. Kujichagulia tells me that I have a duty to leave this earth a little better. Kujichagulia tells me to leave a mark for the generation behind me.

As a great pastor once said to me, “we (you) are world changers and history makers.” Life is a gift from the beholder and we are to create, express, forgive, love, and be driven with self-determination.

Joyous Kwanzaa.


“Do you boo!”

What do you do when you don’t feel understood? When you open your voice to speak and nothing comes out. Who do you turn to, when all you get are voice mails? What do you do when you look in the mirror and you can’t recognize your own face? Some people expect you to just get “over” the actions of others, and move on. When it’s not that easy. Sometimes shit hurts and you need to cry, it doesn’t just go away-I mean it didn’t “just happen.” What do you say to yourself, when it seems like you can’t get right, and are the Hebrews running around that mountain, and all you need is a GPS? What do you say to yourself when all you want is a little direction, and instead you get criticism? What happens when it feels like a “prayer” isn’t enough?

What do you do?

If I say scream, there’s a chance you will be seen as odd. If I say cry, there is a chance you will be seen as depressed, and unstable. If I say walk away, then you’ll be observed as cold-hearted. If I say “do you” then you might just be perceived as an individual with an attitude.

What do you do?

Remember that one bible scripture that points out Jesus’s humanity, “Jesus wept.” Remember that within each deity, there was once humanity.

So, what do you do?

Cry! Scream! “Boo, do you!”

Others will always judge you. Not everyone will understand you. Pain is not something you just get over, it’s your journey, and don’t let it hinder you. Don’t let stigma define you, and don’t let trials and tribulations become you. Allow it to become a catalyst and not an end. Use your pain, hurt, fear and everything else as a way to motivate you; to motivate others. Never stop living, achieve your highest goals. If you fall 100 times, at least you got up!

So, what do you do?




Becoming a better you

God has a plan for me (you) , how he wants me (us) to be. It will not look exactly like his plan for anyone else, which means it will take freedom and exploration for me to learn how God wants me (us) to grow. Spiritual growth is not one size fits all”

Pastor Paula White says it best “we are spiritual beings having a humanistic experience. Understanding that emotions, struggles and strong holds will form but then you have to remember Isaiah 54:17 “no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be wrong, This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition.]” Everyone is different levels of spiritual growth. Every scripture that we read reveals something new to each individual who reads it and when they allow the Holy Spirit to enter their hearts. Depending on circumstance and trial that one particular scripture will speak something different into your life and heart. You will receive a new revelation. In everything we need to remember that God [Yahweh] is “I am”, “beginning and the end”, and the “author and finisher of our faith.” We are created uniquely however we are created in his image.

Life is Short, joy is precious, God is too good, our soul is too valuable, we matter to much to throw a single moment of our one and only life”


Psalms 1:2-3 “Blessed in the one who delight is in the law of the Lord, and who mediates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in season, and whose leaf does not wither, whatever they do prospers.” This is your source of freedom, and once you have grasped this concept you will understand that you have to freedom to think that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is love, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” [Philippians 4:8]

To gain true authentic freedom we must change the way we think,

Allow God (high power) to know your authentic self, so that you may know who you are in him.

Eugene Peterson said it best, “Christians feed on scripture, holy scripture nurtures from the holy nurtures the holy community as food the human body.” Don’t judge yourself for where you are in you spiritual walk, no matter who your God is. I’m speaking in the form of Jesus Christ. I’m not trying to push religion on anyone. Sometimes our high power is just our soul and that’s okay.

Self-talk, prayer, confiding in a trusted individual is not to condemn you but a chance for your to find and become a better you. Understand to be a better to be a better you, you have to climb mountains and experience pain; know you are not alone, even though each struggle is different.

Please know that to become the better you, your path will be different from mine, your level of faith and deity is different from mine. Don’t feel judge, or condemn. Life is short it’s gone in a breath, and I want the most of it.

Letter to Domenia

So I must be honest and say, I have my struggles. I struggle with mental health. I was diagnosed with psychosis (auditory and visual hallucination), mood disorder nos, adhd and borderline personality disorder. It’s a struggle to get out of bed. It’s a struggle to complete simple tasks. Like showering. Currently, I can’t work more than 30 hours a week. Which makes living hard. I am a full time student, in therapy, with two part time jobs.

I struggle with feeling alone and feeling abandon. I am very hard on myself, and expecting myself to be the best. Because good is never enough. I want to live a life driven on PURPOSE. To be effective, a motivator, history maker, public voice, leader, advocate and teacher.

I want what seems  to be impossible. One day I hope to attend UCLA, American University or George Washington University law school. To talk with young people in foster care with low self esteem, I want to be an “ear” for the next generation. I want them to succeed and help them so that eventually they can help someone else too.

I am not sure why I wrote this post but I guess I wrote it to say:

Dear Domenia,

I love you. You’re strong and it’s okay to recognize that at time you’ll need help. Nothing happens over night. You have survived foster care, abuse, rape and neglect; you’ve been homeless and poor and in yet, you pull through. Life will not always be this hard. There is a sun over the mountain. God is with you and loves you. You will attend great universities and earn your degrees. You’ll reach millions and inspire the lives of young people. You can make it and you will make it. If no one says that they love you, know that I (you) love you. I (you) am cheering for you. I (you) will never let you down. Life is a journey, a play with no rehearsal. you’ve made it thus far keep going until God calls your number. It’s okay to cry for it does not mean that you are weak. You will succeed ‘n make it. You’re, your only road block. God Bless. May God send his angles to cover you in your time of pain, depression, sadness and success.