Tag Archives: self awareness

Kujichagulia; where is it?

Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

Kwanzaa KujichaguliaThe past three years have been years of triumph for me. I overcame my mental illness. It’s still there, and bad days still come however, it doesn’t affect me like it used to. I overcame homelessness. I’m not in a condo but no longer in a shelter. I graduated from college! I lost my grandmother and gained personal strength. I came out as transgender (FtM) and started HRT and I’m loving the journey. I lost my family and created a new one. In spite of all my loss and gain, I never lost my faith.

I took control of my life. I’m setting the course for my destiny.  I’m fighting doubt, some days depression, some days energy in order to be the best I can be. I’m fighting an eating disorder that I tried to bury for years. I’m winning each fight.

No longer timid or shy. Not as afraid of tomorrow as I once was. I’m gaining my barrings. I am finding a love for life, for people, nature, and animals. I see God in the little details of life not just in the blessings.

Kujichagulia is my favorite principle of Kwanzaa because it’s where I get to see my physical strengths and literal improvements. While on my journey through school, I realize that everyone’s pace in life is different. We don’t all walk or run the same distance or at the same speed. It took me 9 years to graduate. Many of my friends are done with their Master’s degrees and becoming doctors and lawyers. Some are parents and married. And I’m just starting to bud. That’s ok! I realize that it’s ok! I’m not my friends and they are not me, and as long as we win in this life, that’s what matters.

Kujichagulia is about celebrating our journey. Seeing our strength. Valuing the superpowers and the capabilities the Creator gave us. No longer comparing and shaming but seeing our journey as pure beauty. Kujichagulia reminds that I am allowed to be who I want to be. Love who I want to love. Live however peacefully as I can. Kujichagulia tells me that I have a duty to leave this earth a little better. Kujichagulia tells me to leave a mark for the generation behind me.

As a great pastor once said to me, “we (you) are world changers and history makers.” Life is a gift from the beholder and we are to create, express, forgive, love, and be driven with self-determination.

Joyous Kwanzaa.


Letter to Domenia

So I must be honest and say, I have my struggles. I struggle with mental health. I was diagnosed with psychosis (auditory and visual hallucination), mood disorder nos, adhd and borderline personality disorder. It’s a struggle to get out of bed. It’s a struggle to complete simple tasks. Like showering. Currently, I can’t work more than 30 hours a week. Which makes living hard. I am a full time student, in therapy, with two part time jobs.

I struggle with feeling alone and feeling abandon. I am very hard on myself, and expecting myself to be the best. Because good is never enough. I want to live a life driven on PURPOSE. To be effective, a motivator, history maker, public voice, leader, advocate and teacher.

I want what seems  to be impossible. One day I hope to attend UCLA, American University or George Washington University law school. To talk with young people in foster care with low self esteem, I want to be an “ear” for the next generation. I want them to succeed and help them so that eventually they can help someone else too.

I am not sure why I wrote this post but I guess I wrote it to say:

Dear Domenia,

I love you. You’re strong and it’s okay to recognize that at time you’ll need help. Nothing happens over night. You have survived foster care, abuse, rape and neglect; you’ve been homeless and poor and in yet, you pull through. Life will not always be this hard. There is a sun over the mountain. God is with you and loves you. You will attend great universities and earn your degrees. You’ll reach millions and inspire the lives of young people. You can make it and you will make it. If no one says that they love you, know that I (you) love you. I (you) am cheering for you. I (you) will never let you down. Life is a journey, a play with no rehearsal. you’ve made it thus far keep going until God calls your number. It’s okay to cry for it does not mean that you are weak. You will succeed ‘n make it. You’re, your only road block. God Bless. May God send his angles to cover you in your time of pain, depression, sadness and success.