Kwanzaa: Nia

Nia: Purpose A Prayer for you.

I pray 2022 is Better than any year you have ever experienced in your life. You have a purpose! You were not put on this earth to just live a mediocre life but to be a world-changer, and history maker in your own unique way. If no one ever tells you this know I believe in you and am praying for your success and happiness. I pray for you have the power to endure every trial and hard time that comes. As pastor Steven says “you’re either entering a storm, leaving a storm, or about to enter a storm.” I pray for you to open the door to joy. I pray your family is blessed your children are blessed and your children and their children are blessed. I pray this year instead of seeking material items that fade you seek smiles and make memories. I pray for you to accomplish goals and are not self-critical. Please know we’re all on a journey in life at different stages and no one is better than the other no matter the milestone, degree, income amount, social status, or political party. I pray you to find faith in a higher power. It may be different than mine but something outside of yourself and the human construct. I pray you educate yourself on something new become friends with someone different; someone of a different skin tone, religion, political party, and social class. I pray for you to discover the mysteries this life has to hold. For it is in the beholder of breath that these things are revealed.

You have a purpose. I know a part of mine but every day and with every class and obstacle I overcome I discover more of it. Time your testimony and treasure who you unveil your testimony to. I believe God has a designed life for you to live an abundant life and it will be great. God loves you. Whether you believe in him or not. Jesus loves you. That’s the point of Easter’s Resurrection. I pray that whomever you call your God is kind, gentle, and loving towards you and your family. I believe we are connected for a reason greater than our own four walls of life but we have to open the doors to find out. God is knocking and wants us to answer the call to live; God wants us to live. Live abundantly, graciously. gratefully and loving.

You have a purpose.

Joyous Kwanzaa

The heart that matters

I just listened to my pastor speak about the “heart that matters.” I’m still getting used to this softer approach to Jesus, instead of the condemnation I was raised listening to in sermons.

The gist of the sermon was not to continually contemplate our faults, imperfections, failures and “lack off’s”. It’s the heart behind the faults, imperfections, and failures that matters. This is the main ingredient to the Christian faith; we are not perfect and fall many times, it’s the heart that matters and how we get back up.

An unusual topic for me to hear with love and in love esp. by a pastor. However, it’s true. I’ve hurt many people and acted outside of my character. Having a mental illness I am different and I process life differently. I never intend to hurt a soul. It hurts me when I find out I hurt someone. It hurts because I know the feeling of rejection, self-hate, judgment; feelings of projected anger and just ugliness. I know these feelings all too well. Knowing I inflicted this hurt onto another soul I resent, reject. self-loathe and I become bitter towards myself. Then it becomes a cycle!

My heart is always in the right place. This is the story with most of us. We don’t want to hurt other people, let alone neglect our various religious beliefs maybe even our family values. It’s the heart that matters. When we evaluate ourselves we should inspect our intent and the execution of what happened. Be honest with ourselves. Genuinely make amends if possible. If not we need to forgive ourselves. The “move on”.

I know as a Christian God doesn’t remember every act that’s negative we commit. He looks at the heart behind the action. I bet Allah and Buddha do too. We need to realize every person born and even animal will make mistakes, it’s getting back up that counts. It’s the heart of getting up and moving on; allowing each incident to be a teacher so that we grow into the beautiful people we are.

We grow from glory to glory. God already is in love with us. God already adores us, we have his personal stamp of approval. God smiles reign on us daily. We are his children and creation. He cheers for us as we play the game of life and even if we miss the mark he is the coach encouraging us to get up and keep playing.

Friends, you may not believe in the God I do. I respect you. You are validated in my heart! You may be Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddist, even Atheist but when we fall to the source of our creation who just wants us to win the fight of life. Life’s short and we are to keep getting up, fighting, and making a difference for others. It’s the “heart that matters”. We will not be perfect. I will never be perfect. However, I will commit to being the best version of myself I can be.

What’s great about that is no one can be you but “you”. You’re a unique and divine creation. You’re the only you. I’m the only me. But that doesn’t mean we cannot be happy, nor does it entail that we don’t deserve happiness. We deserve all the blessings, favor, joy, contentment with all of creation and from our creators.

So please, smile today. Let tomorrow be tomorrow. Know you’re the best “you” today. Let tomorrow be a mystery and embrace it when we face it.

Blessings,

Domenia Zih

Who I am! Where I’ve been!

Readers and Followers,

I’ve been away! Sorry. I needed time to heal and to become stable. I needed to know more about myself. I am now a graduate of Palm Beach Atlantic University. It took 9 years however, I did it.

I needed to create a community for myself. I lost a lot of people on the way. I came out as a Transma FtM (look for more posts on this). I am no longer homeless. I have been declared emotionally stable, with no hospital visits for 2 years and 7 months 11 days.

I’m older! I’m 28. Almost 30! No children or partners yet!

My grandmother has passed. I lost my last great aunt and my forever family. As a result, I was homeless for about 3 years. Life moving from a treatment shelter to supported housing to my own studio apartment has been a journey I’d never want to take again.

I have the best treatment and support team ever. I have the best momma bear Dr. Mouriz. I have a bunny son named Jhonni Root Canal. I am a foster parent to a turtle named Avalos Owen Brown. I have my bio mom back in my life and it’s going great.

I am applying to graduate school. Western New Mexico State University, University of Denver, University of New Hampshire the University of North Dakota. I’d love to earn an MSW and Nonprofit Administration concentration. The next and final degree will be a Ph.D. in Positive or Humanistic Psychology.

I’m out and proud Transman FtM and still Christian! I love my life. I’m loving my transformation mentally and physically. I’m in love with me! I’m in love with life! I’m sad school is over, however, I am learning how to manage time without school for the first time in 9 years. I start my second part of physically transitioning this year (top surgery, look it up).

Life and my goals seem to be coming together. I’ve lost many people and gained so much more. This is really it. My absence has been to focus on treatment, finishing school, organizing my thoughts and battling multiple holiday blues. Now things are settled.

I’m back! Kwanzaa is approaching, my new year! Although I’ve been through a lot in 3 years, It was the greatest journey of my life. The stories I’ve listened to, the prayers with strangers, seeing people at their lowest and become better individuals and the spiritual and religious growth outstanding.

I’m an official Sailfish! Always will be! Graduation was in May! We had a virtual one thanks to Covid-19 I’m still pumped!

I missed you all and missed reading your blogs!

I’m Back!

I’m officially changing my name to:

Domenia Xih Zih

Black Belief!

I believe I am the answered prayer of a slave.

I believe that the God of my slave ancestors is outside of religion space and time

I believe that God is consistent and his word is his bond (promises)!

He promised:

hell on earth

calamity and suffering; on this he was clear

I know of the suffering of the black slaves

I know the suffering of generations to come and I empathize and stand to chant

BLACK LIVES MATTER

God’s truth holds in court

God assures peaks of peace and times of prosperous soulful restoration

the movement and belief that BlACK LIVES MATTER

witnesses to the struggle of souls

and the promised and answered prayers of slaves

that we would marry wisdom, dance with destiny and find peace in chaos

Proclaim our integrity

We will walk along with the historical negro voices

Our feet will hit rock, and legs will get scarred

Our voices will unite in a war cry

then, you will see our war dance

My people, My black people:

Stand with justice

And, light lady liberty’s flame

Be proud of our kinky hair and dark skin.

Black is beautiful.

God did not give us reason for doubt

But, he (God) promised a journey unlike any humans and overwhelming opportunities

I always wonder one day beside my name will they say “first negro to accomplish this” (whatever “this” is)

I was once a slave

But now we awaken and is FREE!

I was a slave until those cops killed my black brothers and sisters

I was a slave until I was denied rights based on the color of my skin

I was a slave until, I realized as a race, as a people; whom we were meant to be.

“Like Dust, I RISE!” Angelou said

For we are the rhythm and beat of a negro hymn

We triumph in memory believing, God is with us and gave a new name, a new identity and called us to a high calling

He called us his people, then he called us friend

and birthed us purposefully in an era of change, reconstruction, and opportunity

This is what I believe!