Who I am! Where I’ve been!

Readers and Followers,

I’ve been away! Sorry. I needed time to heal and to become stable. I needed to know more about myself. I am now a graduate of Palm Beach Atlantic University. It took 9 years however, I did it.

I needed to create a community for myself. I lost a lot of people on the way. I came out as a Transma FtM (look for more posts on this). I am no longer homeless. I have been declared emotionally stable, with no hospital visits for 2 years and 7 months 11 days.

I’m older! I’m 28. Almost 30! No children or partners yet!

My grandmother has passed. I lost my last great aunt and my forever family. As a result, I was homeless for about 3 years. Life moving from a treatment shelter to supported housing to my own studio apartment has been a journey I’d never want to take again.

I have the best treatment and support team ever. I have the best momma bear Dr. Mouriz. I have a bunny son named Jhonni Root Canal. I am a foster parent to a turtle named Avalos Owen Brown. I have my bio mom back in my life and it’s going great.

I am applying to graduate school. Western New Mexico State University, University of Denver, University of New Hampshire the University of North Dakota. I’d love to earn an MSW and Nonprofit Administration concentration. The next and final degree will be a Ph.D. in Positive or Humanistic Psychology.

I’m out and proud Transman FtM and still Christian! I love my life. I’m loving my transformation mentally and physically. I’m in love with me! I’m in love with life! I’m sad school is over, however, I am learning how to manage time without school for the first time in 9 years. I start my second part of physically transitioning this year (top surgery, look it up).

Life and my goals seem to be coming together. I’ve lost many people and gained so much more. This is really it. My absence has been to focus on treatment, finishing school, organizing my thoughts and battling multiple holiday blues. Now things are settled.

I’m back! Kwanzaa is approaching, my new year! Although I’ve been through a lot in 3 years, It was the greatest journey of my life. The stories I’ve listened to, the prayers with strangers, seeing people at their lowest and become better individuals and the spiritual and religious growth outstanding.

I’m an official Sailfish! Always will be! Graduation was in May! We had a virtual one thanks to Covid-19 I’m still pumped!

I missed you all and missed reading your blogs!

I’m Back!

I’m officially changing my name to:

Domenia Xih Zih

Black Belief!

I believe I am the answered prayer of a slave.

I believe that the God of my slave ancestors is outside of religion space and time

I believe that God is consistent and his word is his bond (promises)!

He promised:

hell on earth

calamity and suffering; on this he was clear

I know of the suffering of the black slaves

I know the suffering of generations to come and I empathize and stand to chant

BLACK LIVES MATTER

God’s truth holds in court

God assures peaks of peace and times of prosperous soulful restoration

the movement and belief that BlACK LIVES MATTER

witnesses to the struggle of souls

and the promised and answered prayers of slaves

that we would marry wisdom, dance with destiny and find peace in chaos

Proclaim our integrity

We will walk along with the historical negro voices

Our feet will hit rock, and legs will get scarred

Our voices will unite in a war cry

then, you will see our war dance

My people, My black people:

Stand with justice

And, light lady liberty’s flame

Be proud of our kinky hair and dark skin.

Black is beautiful.

God did not give us reason for doubt

But, he (God) promised a journey unlike any humans and overwhelming opportunities

I always wonder one day beside my name will they say “first negro to accomplish this” (whatever “this” is)

I was once a slave

But now we awaken and is FREE!

I was a slave until those cops killed my black brothers and sisters

I was a slave until I was denied rights based on the color of my skin

I was a slave until, I realized as a race, as a people; whom we were meant to be.

“Like Dust, I RISE!” Angelou said

For we are the rhythm and beat of a negro hymn

We triumph in memory believing, God is with us and gave a new name, a new identity and called us to a high calling

He called us his people, then he called us friend

and birthed us purposefully in an era of change, reconstruction, and opportunity

This is what I believe!

Kwanzaa: Nia (Purpose): WE are MORE!

• Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

 

Knowing one’s purpose is the greatest gift God could give an individual. It means fewer years being lost. No matter what your purpose is, no matter the size of one’s calling we should use it to build each other up. Not for wealth. But for legacy and unto our culture, to start the healing process of us as a people/nation.

The Black Voice has been strong in some areas and weak in other areas. I pray this year we are overcome with strength and are granted insight to our purpose.

Lets just make it a great year, 2018.!

Not talking about hatters, or hating our child parents, not fighting each other, eating junk, lets eat healthy and defeat the disease that plagues our race, let seeks healing and wholeness naturally, investing in one another, worshiping in churches, mosques, and temples where everyone is welcomed, seeking mental health support (Proudly and Unashamed) Lets make a change within ourselves. Let us end the lingering behaviors and mindset that has plagued us as a people since slavery.

We are more than the fixed income the gov’t thinks we are allotted. We are more than gov’t cheese. We are more. I believe this is my heart. Let us not settle for less, while making corporation richer. Let’s not settle at all.  work fucking hard, dammit!

It’s going to be uncomfortable, and going to be scary at times and it’s going to be different, but we a have a serve a great God! A god who created the world. We are blessed. Get it together, party less and study more. Hang out less and parent more. Let’s make a change, and change our futures for GOOD! Our future is Good! If we want. It’s a choice! We can repeat every year, or live out our purpose!

2018- Should be about change.

Remember that Senator from Illinois lets march on his words,

YES, WE CAN! This is our lives. This is our future. This is our PURPOSE!!!!!!

My quote for this year: “WE (I) am MORE!

This is our lives. This is our future. This is our PURPOSE!!!!!!

Joyous Kwanzaa

God Bless!

 

Kwanzaa: Ujima: Black lives do matter!

• Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together (wiki..)

 

I’d like to highlight the #blacklivesmatter movement for holding the sacred truths of Kwanzaa (deliberate or not). In reality, we are not far from the African American Civil Rights Movement (1954-1968). Our fight as black people may have transition but it has not changed.

2017 saw too much black death, by a fellow brother or sister, by a cop, by leaders who abuse their power, and citizens whom are quick to pick up a pistol before having that same quickness to listen. Sometimes I think we want to see hate, and violence, and discrimination as it’s a mask energy source. As if we as a country do not know how to live in harmony and peace. Or maybe we are afraid of it

Children are not born hateful, it is taught! Allow our children dear universe, equal opportunity to play and scrap their knees with one another. For our daughters not to be discouraged because their isn’t foundation to match their skin tone. For our sons to be known for their character and to not be known for the quality of his sneakers. For our children, dear universe, to aspire to be doctors, lawyers, construction owners, business owners, chefs, inventors, cosmetologist, teachers, and preachers as well. For them, limitless is their only option.  We went to be equally recognized in the media, movies, politics, and music; equally paid not based on gender or skin tone, but on hard work.

Many are threatened by the black lives matter movement/ civil rights movement just like they were in the 50’s and 60’s. There’s not a reason for fear. We black people, minorities, and women are the ones who live in fear. We come in peace. We demand respect, do not apologize for our integrity, we do not apologize for our kinky hair, dark skin, and broad backs. We are made in the image of our father, the creator of the universe. We don’t want our children to fear going to school for the fear of being killed is so surreal. Or fathers in the morning says goodbye to his children, but in his mind, he questions “will this be my final goodbye?”

I don’t want to read about another Trans/Queer/LGBTQIA person being killed, and never given their day of justice in front of blind lady liberty. I don’t want another brother or sister who is Trans/Queer/LGBTQIA and them not be recognized as human beings with a soul and as an equal creation from our creator.

I pray that in 2018 there are no more deaths plagued by the disease or prejudice, racism, and hate. I pray that in 2018 everyone has insurance. I pray that in 2018 no one goes to bed hungry, and no one is sleeping in the winter or summer, under a bridge or on the sidewalks. I pray for change!

I also understand that those who fought and continue to fight the good fight would want us in 2018 to keep fighting, but not just for us. For anyone without a voice. I pray eventually we birth a generation that is moved past race and gender and seen as a human. I pray that our society stops viewing individuals who are not white skin, or blue eyes as different. For we are a people, with a soul, with a story, and a child of the universe; just like them.

It’s our responsibility to our fellow brothers and sisters of the good fight. to build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together