Facts:

I am realizing that stability is a choice.

I am responsible for my own actions regardless of the intensity of the emotion I feel at the present moment.

I realize emotions can feel uncomfortable and are often unwelcomed but they cannot harm me, for they have no power.

The only power they have is what I give them.

I have to ride the wave, sit back, accept what is being presented, experience it, not judge it and reflect. The proper thing to do is to question, “what can I learn from this experience?”

“What are these emotions here to teach me?”

“How can I use this experience to grow?”

I’m realizing growth is a choice. I can run from a situation. I have that option or look at it as a teacher.

Maybe everything in life is a teacher and we keep going around the same mountain or obstacle course until we realize that.

Jill says “feelings are not facts” and that has been the greatest lesson I’ve learned and Jill’s greatest sermon.

Danielle says to “radically accept almost everything and look at everything from a non-judgmental stance” my practice for life.

I think I am at that point in life where I want to just embrace it and grow; to heal and move on.

I don’t want to be stuck in tomorrow any longer. for today holds so many great mysteries even in its disappointments there are surprises.

I want to remain Surprisable. 

Thanks n Pain

I woke up with the intention of this day being a great day. I wrote in my prayer journal telling Jesus what I’m thankful for and I meant every single word. I spent the holidays alone and after overcoming foster care and homelessness being alone on the holidays isn’t as tough. I have a home to be alone in and that makes a difference. I’m thankful. I was able to text and video my birth mom and even see my biological family and that’s where things went sour. I was called a n*igga because my Baptist family disrespects me and doesn’t accept me as a transgender man. I was called my *dead nickname instead of Zih or my preferred birthname Domenia. I was ignored and passed from family member to family member I haven’t seen in years who weren’t interested in me and my favorite aunt called me a n*igga. I refused to let that spoil my ground turkey taco day. I hung up with texted friends and supported and listened to sermons and I prayed. I felt at peace. I felt a stillness like God had heard me and I would be vindicated through love, not through wrath or vengeance. I don’t believe God is like that. Tacos were yummy. My friends were also isolated from families’ newbies in the game (it’s sad that that’s what I call it but it’s my numbness to it). I texted that aunt telling her to “never disrespect me again. My name is Domenia Zih. Just call me Domenia if you have nothing else to call me. I haven’t seen you in years. I froze when I saw you because I couldn’t believe it was you and you were alive. You are my favorite aunt. Who won’t respect me as a transgender man? Goodbye then. I’m done with the Dickey’s I’m not one of you guys and never have been. Don’t you ever call me a n*igga again or else I will sue you and bring you to family/civil court. Good Bye”

She texted me back explaining she always says that and I know it. I responded “I don’t know you. I was homeless for over 3 years and you were nowhere to be found. I tried to call you and get your son who I call my little brother sneakers and you wouldn’t respond to me. I tested you asking you to talk to me and why won’t you talk to me? I asked why are you judging me for being transgender when you are a minister? You remain quiet for years.” She sent laughing emojis so I contacted Verizon and blocked her. before I blocked her I warned her if she “reaches out to me again were going to court and I’m calling the cops for harassment and I meant it”

Why am I telling you this because this was painful? Something I have been avoiding experiencing. This experience proved growth. If this same experience happened to me before I was on my meds and found a home I’d be in the hospital for a suicide attempt. This experience allowed me to see my life differently and how I used to respond to situations and I don’t think if I hadn’t started my testosterone, my schizophrenia injection, or meds I would be able to tell this testimony. I’m not going to let anyone steal my joy or the progress I’ve made. I’m starting graduate school on Jan. 3rd, 2022. I’m no longer the victim but the victor. I am powerful. I am an overcomer. I am courageous. I am of good courage. I am a winner. I am a child of God. I am noble. I am patient, kind, loving, and peaceful.

Guess what, so are You, YES YOU!

Don’t let anyone pull you out of your character and make you feel less than a person or a child of the highest God. Don’t let anyone pull negativity out of you when out of you flows oils of mercy and meekness. Don’t let anyone treat you like shit either. Stand up for yourself with decency and integrity. count every day above the ground as a day to give thanks not just one day a year. You can accomplish your dream and aspire to achieve higher. I believe in you

Happy Thanksgiving.

Me!