But, God!

I wasn’t supposed to be alive. But, God

I had a plan to kill myself by the age of 25. But, God

I thought my mental illness, homelessness, and lack of family would be my end. But, God

I had given up hope and was dying. But, God

I was dirty, sick, and a lost sheep. But, God

I had ruined all relationships, went into debt, and squandered almost everything I had. But, God

I had turned to alcohol and smoking cig to mask my pain. But, God

But, God!

But, God never gave up on me when my parents did.

But, God never gave up on me when the church preached who I loved and was were an abomination.

But, God saw me through each suicide attempt

But, God got me through each emotional breakdown

But, God created my treatment team

But, God saw me through the death of my only grandmother

But, God is seeing me through the lack of my families existence

But, God is providing for me during this financial hardship

But, God united me with a mentor who would treat me like her son ever on our hard days, who is pure joy and goodness and a husband who has been a protector and comforter 

But, God connected me with Dr. Rev Barnes to worship, pray and cheer each other on like mother and son

But, God connected me with Dr. Kate through knowledge and university

But, God gave me back my parents

But, God gave me medication that has saved my life. Helped me reach stability.

But, God helped me graduate from PBA

But, God helped me get accepted to IWU, now WNMU

But, God saw my end from my beginning. Nothing was a surprise to him. He knew I’d make, and He knows I’m a world changer and history maker just beginning.

Now, God will continue to see me through.

Now, God will bring my hopes, dreams, and more than I can imagine to reality.

Now, God is my hope for tomorrow and my reason to wake up for the future.

Now, God is and always has been the source of my testimony, and I refuse to be shamed not to share it, for He’s never been ashamed of me and not bless me and be there for me. If you think your reading or being a part of my life is by luck, you’re wrong. You were divinely placed for this specific time before the world of creation began. God has a future for you, and He loves you. He, too, is waiting for you to realize like I have your “But, God” moment.

I have realized that without God, I’d be dust, and with God, I can do everything.

I’ll be 31 in 4 days. This, according to my plans, wasn’t meant to be. But, God!

Who I am! Where I’ve been!

Readers and Followers,

I’ve been away! Sorry. I needed time to heal and to become stable. I needed to know more about myself. I am now a graduate of Palm Beach Atlantic University. It took 9 years however, I did it.

I needed to create a community for myself. I lost a lot of people on the way. I came out as a Transma FtM (look for more posts on this). I am no longer homeless. I have been declared emotionally stable, with no hospital visits for 2 years and 7 months 11 days.

I’m older! I’m 28. Almost 30! No children or partners yet!

My grandmother has passed. I lost my last great aunt and my forever family. As a result, I was homeless for about 3 years. Life moving from a treatment shelter to supported housing to my own studio apartment has been a journey I’d never want to take again.

I have the best treatment and support team ever. I have the best momma bear Dr. Mouriz. I have a bunny son named Jhonni Root Canal. I am a foster parent to a turtle named Avalos Owen Brown. I have my bio mom back in my life and it’s going great.

I am applying to graduate school. Western New Mexico State University, University of Denver, University of New Hampshire the University of North Dakota. I’d love to earn an MSW and Nonprofit Administration concentration. The next and final degree will be a Ph.D. in Positive or Humanistic Psychology.

I’m out and proud Transman FtM and still Christian! I love my life. I’m loving my transformation mentally and physically. I’m in love with me! I’m in love with life! I’m sad school is over, however, I am learning how to manage time without school for the first time in 9 years. I start my second part of physically transitioning this year (top surgery, look it up).

Life and my goals seem to be coming together. I’ve lost many people and gained so much more. This is really it. My absence has been to focus on treatment, finishing school, organizing my thoughts and battling multiple holiday blues. Now things are settled.

I’m back! Kwanzaa is approaching, my new year! Although I’ve been through a lot in 3 years, It was the greatest journey of my life. The stories I’ve listened to, the prayers with strangers, seeing people at their lowest and become better individuals and the spiritual and religious growth outstanding.

I’m an official Sailfish! Always will be! Graduation was in May! We had a virtual one thanks to Covid-19 I’m still pumped!

I missed you all and missed reading your blogs!

I’m Back!

I’m officially changing my name to:

Domenia Xih Zih