But, God!

I wasn’t supposed to be alive. But, God

I had a plan to kill myself by the age of 25. But, God

I thought my mental illness, homelessness, and lack of family would be my end. But, God

I had given up hope and was dying. But, God

I was dirty, sick, and a lost sheep. But, God

I had ruined all relationships, went into debt, and squandered almost everything I had. But, God

I had turned to alcohol and smoking cig to mask my pain. But, God

But, God!

But, God never gave up on me when my parents did.

But, God never gave up on me when the church preached who I loved and was were an abomination.

But, God saw me through each suicide attempt

But, God got me through each emotional breakdown

But, God created my treatment team

But, God saw me through the death of my only grandmother

But, God is seeing me through the lack of my families existence

But, God is providing for me during this financial hardship

But, God united me with a mentor who would treat me like her son ever on our hard days, who is pure joy and goodness and a husband who has been a protector and comforter 

But, God connected me with Dr. Rev Barnes to worship, pray and cheer each other on like mother and son

But, God connected me with Dr. Kate through knowledge and university

But, God gave me back my parents

But, God gave me medication that has saved my life. Helped me reach stability.

But, God helped me graduate from PBA

But, God helped me get accepted to IWU, now WNMU

But, God saw my end from my beginning. Nothing was a surprise to him. He knew I’d make, and He knows I’m a world changer and history maker just beginning.

Now, God will continue to see me through.

Now, God will bring my hopes, dreams, and more than I can imagine to reality.

Now, God is my hope for tomorrow and my reason to wake up for the future.

Now, God is and always has been the source of my testimony, and I refuse to be shamed not to share it, for He’s never been ashamed of me and not bless me and be there for me. If you think your reading or being a part of my life is by luck, you’re wrong. You were divinely placed for this specific time before the world of creation began. God has a future for you, and He loves you. He, too, is waiting for you to realize like I have your “But, God” moment.

I have realized that without God, I’d be dust, and with God, I can do everything.

I’ll be 31 in 4 days. This, according to my plans, wasn’t meant to be. But, God!

Kwanzaa: Nia (Purpose): WE are MORE!

• Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

 

Knowing one’s purpose is the greatest gift God could give an individual. It means fewer years being lost. No matter what your purpose is, no matter the size of one’s calling we should use it to build each other up. Not for wealth. But for legacy and unto our culture, to start the healing process of us as a people/nation.

The Black Voice has been strong in some areas and weak in other areas. I pray this year we are overcome with strength and are granted insight to our purpose.

Lets just make it a great year, 2018.!

Not talking about hatters, or hating our child parents, not fighting each other, eating junk, lets eat healthy and defeat the disease that plagues our race, let seeks healing and wholeness naturally, investing in one another, worshiping in churches, mosques, and temples where everyone is welcomed, seeking mental health support (Proudly and Unashamed) Lets make a change within ourselves. Let us end the lingering behaviors and mindset that has plagued us as a people since slavery.

We are more than the fixed income the gov’t thinks we are allotted. We are more than gov’t cheese. We are more. I believe this is my heart. Let us not settle for less, while making corporation richer. Let’s not settle at all.  work fucking hard, dammit!

It’s going to be uncomfortable, and going to be scary at times and it’s going to be different, but we a have a serve a great God! A god who created the world. We are blessed. Get it together, party less and study more. Hang out less and parent more. Let’s make a change, and change our futures for GOOD! Our future is Good! If we want. It’s a choice! We can repeat every year, or live out our purpose!

2018- Should be about change.

Remember that Senator from Illinois lets march on his words,

YES, WE CAN! This is our lives. This is our future. This is our PURPOSE!!!!!!

My quote for this year: “WE (I) am MORE!

This is our lives. This is our future. This is our PURPOSE!!!!!!

Joyous Kwanzaa

God Bless!

 

Kwanzaa: Ujima: Black lives do matter!

• Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together (wiki..)

 

I’d like to highlight the #blacklivesmatter movement for holding the sacred truths of Kwanzaa (deliberate or not). In reality, we are not far from the African American Civil Rights Movement (1954-1968). Our fight as black people may have transition but it has not changed.

2017 saw too much black death, by a fellow brother or sister, by a cop, by leaders who abuse their power, and citizens whom are quick to pick up a pistol before having that same quickness to listen. Sometimes I think we want to see hate, and violence, and discrimination as it’s a mask energy source. As if we as a country do not know how to live in harmony and peace. Or maybe we are afraid of it

Children are not born hateful, it is taught! Allow our children dear universe, equal opportunity to play and scrap their knees with one another. For our daughters not to be discouraged because their isn’t foundation to match their skin tone. For our sons to be known for their character and to not be known for the quality of his sneakers. For our children, dear universe, to aspire to be doctors, lawyers, construction owners, business owners, chefs, inventors, cosmetologist, teachers, and preachers as well. For them, limitless is their only option.  We went to be equally recognized in the media, movies, politics, and music; equally paid not based on gender or skin tone, but on hard work.

Many are threatened by the black lives matter movement/ civil rights movement just like they were in the 50’s and 60’s. There’s not a reason for fear. We black people, minorities, and women are the ones who live in fear. We come in peace. We demand respect, do not apologize for our integrity, we do not apologize for our kinky hair, dark skin, and broad backs. We are made in the image of our father, the creator of the universe. We don’t want our children to fear going to school for the fear of being killed is so surreal. Or fathers in the morning says goodbye to his children, but in his mind, he questions “will this be my final goodbye?”

I don’t want to read about another Trans/Queer/LGBTQIA person being killed, and never given their day of justice in front of blind lady liberty. I don’t want another brother or sister who is Trans/Queer/LGBTQIA and them not be recognized as human beings with a soul and as an equal creation from our creator.

I pray that in 2018 there are no more deaths plagued by the disease or prejudice, racism, and hate. I pray that in 2018 everyone has insurance. I pray that in 2018 no one goes to bed hungry, and no one is sleeping in the winter or summer, under a bridge or on the sidewalks. I pray for change!

I also understand that those who fought and continue to fight the good fight would want us in 2018 to keep fighting, but not just for us. For anyone without a voice. I pray eventually we birth a generation that is moved past race and gender and seen as a human. I pray that our society stops viewing individuals who are not white skin, or blue eyes as different. For we are a people, with a soul, with a story, and a child of the universe; just like them.

It’s our responsibility to our fellow brothers and sisters of the good fight. to build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together

 

Perspective Foster Parents

Dear Perspective Foster Parents,

I am writing this letter as a veteran of the Connecticut’s foster care system for six years and counting. I believe I should say thank-you for opening your home and providing love to a child or teenager. Thank-you! I also want to warn you and to let you know what you have just agreed to. This letter is a warning and to let you know, our hearts have been broken, confusion clutters our minds, we are looking for a family to be belong to. School may not be a our top priority, for we are trying to find ourselves and where we belong in this big cold world.

We might not fit in with your sons and daughters. It’s not your fault if we are quiet, shrugging our shoulders as if they are answers to your questions. It’s not you, no, it’s our past, about our mothers, sisters, fathers and brothers.We are children of the system; fighting to defy the worlds statistics.

Question: How do we make it? How do we fit in? We have a trash bag with our name on it and a shattered heart with unanswered questions. We don’t get to pick our homes; no, we are told were to sleep, eat and shit. Are, you in it until the end? When the road gets tough will you give up?

I promise it won’t be easy. Did I mention I’m mentally ill? Sometimes we don’t believe we are worth much, so the streets and gangs show us “true” love. Will you hug us at night? Or will I once again cry myself to sleep?

Did I tell you we have a diagnosis? We were told that we are bipolar, psychotic, ADD/ADHD, schizophrenic, bulimic, anorexic and much more. We’ll fight for your love and discipline; hugs and kisses. I’ll party, smoke weed, cut my arms and much more. I have a lot of baggage and it’s important for you to know what you just signed up for.

Our life is like a broken mirror, can we together put the pieces together? We know how to draw. We can sing. We can write. We love to act and dance. We’re not all broken pieces. We love school. We hate school. We’re more than a statistics and the stigmas are lies. Don’t give up on us. We need you until the end.

Thank-you for choosing to be my new mentor, mom and dad.