Think on this!

Philippians 4:8-9 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Put it into practice. And the God God of peace will be with you.

Think on what is true. Ignore the lies spoken over your life or the lives of your loved ones and friends. Speak true things that they may become power. You are more than enough. You are equipped for every battle you face. You are well able. You are strong and victorious. You can accomplish your dreams. You are a world changer and history maker. Think on these things, for they are true!

Think on what is noble. You are distinguished and set apart. You were not created to live an average, mediocre life. You were not designed to just live. You were created to thrive and succeed. Lack and struggle are not in your destiny. I believe it in my soul. You were created by a potter who loves every curve, every curl, every skin tone, every texture, and every unique character trait. You were created by a potter who created the universe, knows your end from your beginning, and has plans for your future. Who plans to bring you hope, success, prosperity, happiness, and more. You are a noble person, a holy nation, a royalty, and a unique gem. Please don’t forget your worth.

Think on what is right! This world is leading toward dictatorship, demagoguery, hate, and bigotry. What is right is freedom and the freedom of free speech, the pursuit of life, liberty, freedom of choice, equality, equity, inclusivity, love, peace, and acceptance. This is what is right! Demand your voices be heard and stand up for injustice; silence is not an option to hate and evil. Be the light in a dark world. This is what is right! This is a command each great leader has given us, from Mother Theresa to Dr. MLK JR. Black lives matter, Love is love. Trans lives matter.

Think on what is lovely. Love is love. Nature is lovely. Let’s love our earth back to health. Let’s love our mental health again. Let’s love those with addictions again. Let’s love those with autism again. Let’s love our military veterans abroad and home all branches equally again. Let’s love gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, nonbinary, and queer people again. Let’s love our children again. Let’s love the forgotten. Let’s love our elderly. Let’s love our communities and states again. Let’s love immigrants from all nations; let’s just love again without borders or boundaries. Without limitations and barriers. True love has no walls. I, as a Christian, want to love as Christ loved. For my fellow Christians, that means endless, unconditional, nonjudgmental, no limits, and without prejudice love. It’s empathic, from the soul and Spirit of God himself. That’s the love I want to give to every rich or poor, regardless of race, sexual orientation, disability, veteran status, or religious beliefs. I want to just love you! And I do!

If anything is excellent or admirable, think on such things. Pop culture is great. Sports are great. The stock market is fine. Fashion is great. Amazon Prime is amazing! 🙂 But all these things are not excellent or admirable. For they do nothing for my soul. What is admirable and excellent is that single parents fighting for their child’s future and working hard. What is admirable and excellent is that students turn down peer pressure to study to go to college or that college students turn down a frat party to research and do an internship. That MSW student on SSDI, trying to find a job while in school, overcoming mental health daily and doing an apprenticeship while choosing to study instead of partying and drinking with friends. (me!) That Pastor or Rabbi gives all they have weekly to their congregation, teaching the lesson of hope and faith. That therapist who overcame addiction is now running acute treatment facilities catering to people like them once battling addiction and mental health and a parent and spouses. That therapist of three juggling being a parent, owning their own practice while climbing the ladder of success. The preacher with two doctorate degrees, two masters, and an undergraduate just wants to spread the news of Jesus and love and is life coach and pours into the hearts of anyone willing to listen to wisdom. And the grandmother, who is a mother of 14, a grandmother of over 50 grandchildren and raised the majority of them, lived her life for God, overcame the great depression and segregation days, saw the first black president elected, and lived a dignified life until she lost her battle to cancer. These are admirable and excellent people, and things they have done to think of. These are people in my life. I know my readers have others they can think of.

Lastly, I leave with this quick prayer as the Apostle Paul did in Philippians. I pray the God of peace will be with you all the days of your life, and you may begin to believe the things you read and put them into practice.

-Domenia

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I cannot make you get a booster. I wish you saw the death that I have because that might change your mind. It’s hard to accept. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that you can die of this awful disease that has killed almost 800,000 Americans and 5 were my friends and 3 family members. It’s hard to reach out to you because you don’t read but watch the world but through the tv. You won’t pick up a book or an article. You’re no longer an educator, you’re just existing just a shell of the woman I once knew. You take medication from doctors not knowing what it is. You’re having surgeries and you have no idea what they’re doing but it’s science; so is the booster. I’m immunocompromised and already had the stomach flu. I have other mothers I’ll make it. But I cannot have someone who can put my life in jeopardy around for me or my one-day future kids. We can talk via Whatsapp. But we can no longer see each other. I know you’ll see this as black and white but there is so much grey. I love you but I cherish my health more. If you decided to get the booster then we can hang again if not this is the path you have chosen and you have really lost two children. One because he is an asshole and the other because of your choice. I pray to hug you again and kiss you. I wish you well. I’m losing you twice once to foster care and this time to covid vaccine denial and that shouldn’t be the answer. I also need space to digest this. I probably won’t call for a while. It’s just so hard. But I needed to make this statement so the world could hold me accountable. Talking to you is painful for I don’t know if it’s going to be my last and I want to be able to control that and not a disease. So I’m saying goodbye for now but not forever. One day I hope you will have your child back. It’s been a great year with you in my life. I’ll cherrish it as if it’s been a decade. I will honor you and respect you.

You Son,

Domenia Zih.

Thanks n Pain

I woke up with the intention of this day being a great day. I wrote in my prayer journal telling Jesus what I’m thankful for and I meant every single word. I spent the holidays alone and after overcoming foster care and homelessness being alone on the holidays isn’t as tough. I have a home to be alone in and that makes a difference. I’m thankful. I was able to text and video my birth mom and even see my biological family and that’s where things went sour. I was called a n*igga because my Baptist family disrespects me and doesn’t accept me as a transgender man. I was called my *dead nickname instead of Zih or my preferred birthname Domenia. I was ignored and passed from family member to family member I haven’t seen in years who weren’t interested in me and my favorite aunt called me a n*igga. I refused to let that spoil my ground turkey taco day. I hung up with texted friends and supported and listened to sermons and I prayed. I felt at peace. I felt a stillness like God had heard me and I would be vindicated through love, not through wrath or vengeance. I don’t believe God is like that. Tacos were yummy. My friends were also isolated from families’ newbies in the game (it’s sad that that’s what I call it but it’s my numbness to it). I texted that aunt telling her to “never disrespect me again. My name is Domenia Zih. Just call me Domenia if you have nothing else to call me. I haven’t seen you in years. I froze when I saw you because I couldn’t believe it was you and you were alive. You are my favorite aunt. Who won’t respect me as a transgender man? Goodbye then. I’m done with the Dickey’s I’m not one of you guys and never have been. Don’t you ever call me a n*igga again or else I will sue you and bring you to family/civil court. Good Bye”

She texted me back explaining she always says that and I know it. I responded “I don’t know you. I was homeless for over 3 years and you were nowhere to be found. I tried to call you and get your son who I call my little brother sneakers and you wouldn’t respond to me. I tested you asking you to talk to me and why won’t you talk to me? I asked why are you judging me for being transgender when you are a minister? You remain quiet for years.” She sent laughing emojis so I contacted Verizon and blocked her. before I blocked her I warned her if she “reaches out to me again were going to court and I’m calling the cops for harassment and I meant it”

Why am I telling you this because this was painful? Something I have been avoiding experiencing. This experience proved growth. If this same experience happened to me before I was on my meds and found a home I’d be in the hospital for a suicide attempt. This experience allowed me to see my life differently and how I used to respond to situations and I don’t think if I hadn’t started my testosterone, my schizophrenia injection, or meds I would be able to tell this testimony. I’m not going to let anyone steal my joy or the progress I’ve made. I’m starting graduate school on Jan. 3rd, 2022. I’m no longer the victim but the victor. I am powerful. I am an overcomer. I am courageous. I am of good courage. I am a winner. I am a child of God. I am noble. I am patient, kind, loving, and peaceful.

Guess what, so are You, YES YOU!

Don’t let anyone pull you out of your character and make you feel less than a person or a child of the highest God. Don’t let anyone pull negativity out of you when out of you flows oils of mercy and meekness. Don’t let anyone treat you like shit either. Stand up for yourself with decency and integrity. count every day above the ground as a day to give thanks not just one day a year. You can accomplish your dream and aspire to achieve higher. I believe in you

Happy Thanksgiving.

Me!

Umoja is coming!

Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

No one really knows why this holiday means so much to me. What is it? Is the question I am asked when I mention it. To me, it’s self-expressive and can be celebrated in a plethora of ways. However, it touches my heart because of my aunt; before I went into foster care it was Christmas there I realized my place in poverty and then Kwanzaa started this and gave me hope for my future and to celebrate being black, queer (LGTBQ), trans, educated, the children, the elderly; feeling no shame but inspired every day and every year to be my best. I promised to keep it close to my heart because one day there would be unity in my life. Unity within my family.

Its principles are where my attributes of integrity, wholeness, creativity; all the good that encompasses a person. Yes, Kwanzaa is meant to celebrate African American Heritage, and I don’t take that away, but it’s more inclusive than one race. I’m Proud of being of African Decent! I’m proud of my kinky and coiled hair. I’m proud of my faith and all the faiths that Africans celebrate. But let us not forget that the African American race is combined of many races, therefore, when one hurts we all hurt; when one is joyful we all celebrate; when one mourns we all mourn. Kwanzaa is collective and created in wholeness striving in our countries communities. 

So today is Umoja meaning unity. My family is broken but my life isn’t broken. I have a family that I created. Unity is the design for all humanity the hope of the creator. So today your life might not be all together, and your family too may be broken. You may have hurts and past hurts. You may have just experienced the biggest catastrophe in your life. 

Unity is coming. Hold on and keep fighting. This holiday isn’t just for African American people but for people who celebrate this melting pot of a country. The odds are in your favor. 2020 I believe will be a great year full of blessings and joy. With division and strife in our country, I believe that Umoja is coming.

Celebrate Umoja through gratitude, self-reflection, and loving the community of people that surround you. Celebrate Umoja by being yourself, being expressive, being accountable, and the leader of your community. Celebrate Umoja through thankfulness, being affirming and accepting. Umoja is made up of different faiths, different skin tones, different backgrounds, and LOVE! Celebrate Umoja with me! 

Unity is coming! 

Joyous Kwanzaa!