Tag Archives: healing

Just BLACK n’ scared

Just BLACK n’ scared

I’m angry. I’m pissed. I’m hurting. There’s not a word magnificent enough nor profound enough to express how black and scared I am. I am a black trans man. The rate of me being killed are high by a policeman, by a white person, and by a black person. Does my life matter? Or am I just a mere atom taking up space in what we call existence waiting to die and decompose in the ground. To die the black illnesses high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, Covid-19 or worse by the gun of a white man; a white cop?

Out of mind out of sight! or is it Out of sight out of mind?!

When is one black life enough? When does it stop? How do I tell young black men, young trans men you have a future when in reality their life is seconds away from none…

White people. White fucking people! WHITE MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE, will you stop killing me? White people, what is one black life worth to you? WHITE PEOPLE, hear the cries from the earth. All we want to do is live! We get it your better than us. We get it you deserve all the power. We get it your superior to us. We fucking get it. So I ask BLACK PEOPLE, we have to force change and challenge that ideology in order for change to come.

WHITE PEOPLE, we can buy your clothing and organic food. We can speak like you and attend your schools. (sometimes!) We can hide our blackness but as the sun fade, you only see our teeth. As the sunshine, we only look like a shadow.

WHITE PEOPLE, what the fuck are you afraid of? What the fuck are you afraid of? Why are you killing our sons and daughters? Why are we falsely accused of crimes we didn’t commit? Why do we live in the slums?? Why do we pay to your tithes and offerings for your churches to grow and build more Starbucks and were looking for a Dunkin Donuts.

BLACK PEOPLE RAISE YOUR VOICE! YES!!!! YES!!! I’m screaming…You can’t hear my voice so hear my words. I’m SCREAMING and pulling my hair…MY PEOPLE ARE DYING…EVERY DAY…EVERY YEAR..more death after death it is something that has come to be the daily norm and WHITE FUCKING PEOPLE walk away with good conscious and a clear record.

BLACK PEOPLE let’s mobilize. BLACK PEOPLE let’s organize. SYSTEMIC Racism is a disease and we must find a cure for it ourselves. WE HAVE TO DO IT FOR OURSELVES. I’m Angry. I’m Hurt. I’m Scared. If I don’t look the right way or answer in the correct tone my name may be next in the news..

GOD HEAR OUR CRY. FORGIVE US. CHANGE US. HEAL US. Black people and White people. GOD you see no color. God, you see your children. GOD you see no orientation you see your people. Jesus, you see your brothers and sisters. Jesus, we are the ones you died for and we are dying every day.

Mr. Domenia Xih Zih

BLACK PEOPLE cry out to the sun and moon. BLACK PEOPLE jump and shout until there is a mighty earthquake. BLACK PEOPLE stop killing each other as a white person show. BLACK PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE. BLACK GAY PEOPLE. BLACK MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE. BLACK INCARCERATED. BLACK FREE PEOPLE. BLACK CHILDREN. BLACK MEN. BLACK WOMEN. BLACK TRANS PEOPLE. BLACK NON BINARY PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE. GOD’s PEOPLE.

CRY

SCREAM

SHOUT, MAKE A MIGHTY RAWR

I’m fucking angry. I’m hurting and this pain doesn’t go away. I numb it. BUT NO MORE. NO MORE I SAY. NO MORE!

BLACK PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE LET’s BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE. LET’s DEMAND THE CHANGE WE NEED. LET’s HEAL OUR PEOPLE. LET’s EDUCATE our people starting out with lesson one: WE ARE BLACK and BLACK FIRST. Unapologetically BLACK. WE ARE the successors of SLAVERY. We OVERCAME JIM FUCKING CROW. WE ARE STRONG. WE WILL FUCKING DEFEAT DONALD JACKASS TRUMP!!!! WE ARE MIGHTY IN THE LAND. WE ARE BLACK. and yet SCARED!

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Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)

Kujichgulia- Self Determination

I determined to continue to make my voice heard on this earth about the injustice, inequality, discrimination, hatred, provoked fear and sexual assaults against my people. I have a voice I have a blog and I will write.

Because me too!

I’m determined to pray for my nation, and corrupted leaders. I am determined to stand against hate, march peacefully alongside lady justice. We can be the checks and the balance. American, do you hear us! Are we I being heard!

Is our voice loud enough! Do you feel our passion?? Do you feel our anger?? Do you see our hurt?

Because me too!

I am determined to speak prayers of life. Sings songs of encouragement. Write with integrity. I am determined to listen to the earth and to be its representative. Do you hear me! This is my office, the election I’ve won.

Because you too!

My black brothers, and kinky haired sister- you matter! your vote counts. when you walk stomp, carrying a belt of righteousness and the book of truth. When you speak make lightning come from your mouth. When you stomp, leave a footprint! Speak for the young! Be determined and resilient. Be courageous. Come death, hell, or high waters- We my brothers and sister; “we shall overcome” today! not someday!

Because us too!

Hand in hand we stand! Locked arms we are a mighty wall. And this is not Jericho, we will not be broken! Look to your left and your right, we have the angels on our side. We have Yahweh! With our walking sticks, we part waters and go to our promised land.

We are determined.

Because you too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Christmas Gift

My heart was becoming numb and joy was scarce. I didn’t want to acknowledge my own bitterness, but it was there. I couldn’t feel hope, I didn’t think the sun would ever shine again. Alone I felt, in a darkened world.

Alone I traveled in the woods of life. Alone I slept and with tears, I cried “ABA, why have you forsaken me?” I cried again, “ABA, why have you welcomed this pain and a well of emptiness?”

Angry was I with the young, for having what I dreamed of. Angry I was with the old, for their eye were closed. I was angry! I was scared, and questioned, “will it always be this way?”

“Will I ever feel the joy and warmth of the sun, or will the cold break me, and leave me with brittle bones.”

Silent God was still. Hopeful I became.

Let us go to church! Let us celebrate Jesus, the true reason for the season. In my mind I was thinking critically, trying to disrobe this facade pagan holiday, to tear it from the Christians, and all because I was bitter.

I walked to church, and then my heart opened, and I prayed “ABA, meet me there, at the place of your dwelling, your sacred temple, where your word is spoken, deliver me of God, grant me your mercy and grace. Let me feel. Let me heal. I’ll go, just meet me there!”

A sermon was spoken, and it was as if God spoke to me directly. As though everyone had left because the word was for me.

“I love you,” the pastor said.

“I died for you,” the pastor said.

“I knew you before your birth,” the pastor said

“I’ve been waiting for you,” the pastor said.

“Meet me, for I am here,” the pastor said

“I went away to prepare a place, where your tears will stop flowing, your heart will breath fresh air, you will sing without condemnation and praise with cease,” God said to me

“I’ve never left, I’ve always cared, you’re my child and I’ll always be there. I’ve seen your tears, I have seen your pain, I was next to you in the kitchen when you cried out to me in a song. I was in your room when you told me that you couldn’t hold on. I was there when you listened to every sermon, hoping to see me in them. I was there my child. I was there, baby girl.

I just needed you to me meet me half way there. I can take away all the pain.

I can give you rest.

I can give you are a reason to smile.

I can grant you peace.

But if you’re not ready to receive me, receive my gifts and internally accept me, then you will be in this spot again.

But You’ve come to me, and this sermon is for you.

You are not alone, I’m am here.

I have not forsaken you, I live inside of you.

I’m the piece to your broken heart, the answer to your prayers.

You’ve met me and I AM HERE! he spoke to my heart.

So, I lifted my hands, and tears were flowing, I didn’t care who saw me, I lifted my hands, I felt his love, I saw visions of his love, I saw the family he gave me, and the opportunities set before me.

I worshiped with the angels. My heart was opened, and I could feel again.

I cried and sang proudly and boldly. Left in peace, and was given a blessing.

I may have not received a physical gift, but a healed heart was my wish. Bitterness has left. I was blessed.

Merry Christmas.