Everything’s going to be ok!

The songs writer says:

“Everything going to be ok.”

“At the worst”

“At it’s most don’t be afraid”

“Sometimes faith has growing pain!”

I think about my life and how I lost my job, and I’m back, relying on God’s provision via food stamps and social security.

I ponder and look every day for jobs.

Funds are low, and I’m just trying to stay afloat.

I have a decision to make. I can be fearful, live in worry, or live in faith

I choose faith, optimism and life

Everything’s going to be ok.

Everything has always been ok. Even at it’s worst I don’t have to be afraid

My hope isn’t in this world but in a supernatural God empowered by His Holy Spirit and I live in peace

Everything’s going to be ok.

Sometimes faith has growing pain.

Faith doesn’t grow when things are going great, but in times of uncertainty, times of doubt, and trepidation

The pain of faith can be a catalyst or antagonist

Faith can push you into divine moment if you allow it

When you allow it pursue those moments ferociously

I refuse to die with my dreams inside of me

I rather die knowing I tried then not to have tried at all

The song writer says

“I tried and I tried”

“But with God one myside”

“I keep overcoming in this life”

“He’s the prize”

“With God through it all”

“Everything’s going to be ok!”

Just BLACK n’ scared

I’m angry. I’m pissed. I’m hurting. There’s not a word magnificent enough nor profound enough to express how black and scared I am. I am a black trans man. The rate of me being killed are high by a policeman, by a white person, and by a black person. Does my life matter? Or am I just a mere atom taking up space in what we call existence waiting to die and decompose in the ground. To die the black illnesses high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, Covid-19 or worse by the gun of a white man; a white cop?

Out of mind out of sight! or is it Out of sight out of mind?!

When is one black life enough? When does it stop? How do I tell young black men, young trans men you have a future when in reality their life is seconds away from none…

White people. White fucking people! WHITE MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE, will you stop killing me? White people, what is one black life worth to you? WHITE PEOPLE, hear the cries from the earth. All we want to do is live! We get it your better than us. We get it you deserve all the power. We get it your superior to us. We fucking get it. So I ask BLACK PEOPLE, we have to force change and challenge that ideology in order for change to come.

WHITE PEOPLE, we can buy your clothing and organic food. We can speak like you and attend your schools. (sometimes!) We can hide our blackness but as the sun fade, you only see our teeth. As the sunshine, we only look like a shadow.

WHITE PEOPLE, what the fuck are you afraid of? What the fuck are you afraid of? Why are you killing our sons and daughters? Why are we falsely accused of crimes we didn’t commit? Why do we live in the slums?? Why do we pay to your tithes and offerings for your churches to grow and build more Starbucks and were looking for a Dunkin Donuts.

BLACK PEOPLE RAISE YOUR VOICE! YES!!!! YES!!! I’m screaming…You can’t hear my voice so hear my words. I’m SCREAMING and pulling my hair…MY PEOPLE ARE DYING…EVERY DAY…EVERY YEAR..more death after death it is something that has come to be the daily norm and WHITE FUCKING PEOPLE walk away with good conscious and a clear record.

BLACK PEOPLE let’s mobilize. BLACK PEOPLE let’s organize. SYSTEMIC Racism is a disease and we must find a cure for it ourselves. WE HAVE TO DO IT FOR OURSELVES. I’m Angry. I’m Hurt. I’m Scared. If I don’t look the right way or answer in the correct tone my name may be next in the news..

GOD HEAR OUR CRY. FORGIVE US. CHANGE US. HEAL US. Black people and White people. GOD you see no color. God, you see your children. GOD you see no orientation you see your people. Jesus, you see your brothers and sisters. Jesus, we are the ones you died for and we are dying every day.

Mr. Domenia Xih Zih

BLACK PEOPLE cry out to the sun and moon. BLACK PEOPLE jump and shout until there is a mighty earthquake. BLACK PEOPLE stop killing each other as a white person show. BLACK PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE. BLACK GAY PEOPLE. BLACK MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE. BLACK INCARCERATED. BLACK FREE PEOPLE. BLACK CHILDREN. BLACK MEN. BLACK WOMEN. BLACK TRANS PEOPLE. BLACK NON BINARY PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE. GOD’s PEOPLE.

CRY

SCREAM

SHOUT, MAKE A MIGHTY RAWR

I’m fucking angry. I’m hurting and this pain doesn’t go away. I numb it. BUT NO MORE. NO MORE I SAY. NO MORE!

BLACK PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE LET’s BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE. LET’s DEMAND THE CHANGE WE NEED. LET’s HEAL OUR PEOPLE. LET’s EDUCATE our people starting out with lesson one: WE ARE BLACK and BLACK FIRST. Unapologetically BLACK. WE ARE the successors of SLAVERY. We OVERCAME JIM FUCKING CROW. WE ARE STRONG. WE WILL FUCKING DEFEAT DONALD JACKASS TRUMP!!!! WE ARE MIGHTY IN THE LAND. WE ARE BLACK. and yet SCARED!

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“Do you boo!”

What do you do when you don’t feel understood? When you open your voice to speak and nothing comes out. Who do you turn to, when all you get are voice mails? What do you do when you look in the mirror and you can’t recognize your own face? Some people expect you to just get “over” the actions of others, and move on. When it’s not that easy. Sometimes shit hurts and you need to cry, it doesn’t just go away-I mean it didn’t “just happen.” What do you say to yourself, when it seems like you can’t get right, and are the Hebrews running around that mountain, and all you need is a GPS? What do you say to yourself when all you want is a little direction, and instead you get criticism? What happens when it feels like a “prayer” isn’t enough?

What do you do?

If I say scream, there’s a chance you will be seen as odd. If I say cry, there is a chance you will be seen as depressed, and unstable. If I say walk away, then you’ll be observed as cold-hearted. If I say “do you” then you might just be perceived as an individual with an attitude.

What do you do?

Remember that one bible scripture that points out Jesus’s humanity, “Jesus wept.” Remember that within each deity, there was once humanity.

So, what do you do?

Cry! Scream! “Boo, do you!”

Others will always judge you. Not everyone will understand you. Pain is not something you just get over, it’s your journey, and don’t let it hinder you. Don’t let stigma define you, and don’t let trials and tribulations become you. Allow it to become a catalyst and not an end. Use your pain, hurt, fear and everything else as a way to motivate you; to motivate others. Never stop living, achieve your highest goals. If you fall 100 times, at least you got up!

So, what do you do?

LIVE!

 

 

I’m convinced: You’ll Make it

A Pastor preached tonight and said: I’m convinced, You’ll make it.

We are all going through something in our lives; keep on living (there’s an upside) We need to realized that seasons (life’s circumstances) will change. So my question to those who question God, and believe in God: What does it really mean to live? What does it really mean to live for/with God?

Blessings aren’t always materialistic. Sometimes just being able to walk is a blessing; there’s someone out there that can’t. In every struggle God is there and even if you doubt, can’t feel him; know he’s there. You still have to stand. Don’t give up on God and on Life. God’s never given up on you. Even when it feel like you’re alone, STAND! No one’s life is meant to be easy, every one is given a specific journey to take with the hope that they will give back to a life.

It’s when you’re in your darkest spot, you’ll find out how strong you really are. Trouble, trials, circumstances, can either make you, or break you. What we need to realize is that we at some point, we have a choice, to give up or keep trying, and know that we’ve given it our best. And, we’ll keep on trying. These road blocks, I believe are test of character, patience and will power.

So embrace the pain, in knowing that the greatest glory in life is when you rise every time. Dr. Angelou said it the best, “Like Dust, We Rise” Seasons we must go through just like a life has beginning and a life had an ending. In everything there’s a purpose, my brother and my sister: in everything there is a PURPOSE. You’re not in this alone, even when no one responds to your text messages or answers you phone calls. You’re not alone.

“Like Dust, You Rise!” You’re not the first to experience pain, not will you not be the last. I hope you don’t feel like I’m trying minimize what you’re going through. I’m not! But someone, somewhere has been through the same thing, and survived- you will too! There will be feelings of abandonment, bitter words, silence, “You Rise” Even Jesus had disciples. Even Jesus was not alone. There is a God, Allah, Buddah (where ever you’re in your faith) that will and has encouraged you, and sent people to encourage you. Never allow negative people and experiences: take you out. You’re stronger than you know.

I’m convinced: You’ll Make it. Remember my brothers, and my sisters, black, white, gay, transgender, bi, str8, baptist, muslim no matter who you are, or your faith, I’m convinced when present with hard time, you’re presented with the opportunity to grow into and deeper to your person, and fulfill your purpose.

Your season of Change is coming, your season of pain is ending, and you have everything you already need to make it even if it doesn’t look like it. Trust me. I was going to kill myself tonight, and then I went to a church service and was reminded of my God, my strength and how I’ve come through so much. I can make it. Eventually, in your time of trouble you will have two options, 1. give up or 2. keep trying.

Will you have faith in yourself? Will you trust in an invisible God/deity? Will you trust that there is sometime bigger than you, who knows the future and plans for your life, and will never let you fall, and stay down. My boss told me this week, “Mia, I’ll give you the hours, don’t let me down.” In crutches, and in pain, I kept my word. Made it to my shift, took my brakes, made drinks, took orders and conquered today. So to Jenn (boss), ” I know, you had know idea of how hard it is for me to work with my pain, to stand for hours, and just to smile when I want to cry, and give up on life permanently. But I’m a woman of my word. Just like my God, who is a God of his word. I came to work, for the business, to prove to you that I could do it, and to encourage myself”

I’m convinced: Together, You and I will make it. Just like I’m making it!