But, God!

I wasn’t supposed to be alive. But, God

I had a plan to kill myself by the age of 25. But, God

I thought my mental illness, homelessness, and lack of family would be my end. But, God

I had given up hope and was dying. But, God

I was dirty, sick, and a lost sheep. But, God

I had ruined all relationships, went into debt, and squandered almost everything I had. But, God

I had turned to alcohol and smoking cig to mask my pain. But, God

But, God!

But, God never gave up on me when my parents did.

But, God never gave up on me when the church preached who I loved and was were an abomination.

But, God saw me through each suicide attempt

But, God got me through each emotional breakdown

But, God created my treatment team

But, God saw me through the death of my only grandmother

But, God is seeing me through the lack of my families existence

But, God is providing for me during this financial hardship

But, God united me with a mentor who would treat me like her son ever on our hard days, who is pure joy and goodness and a husband who has been a protector and comforter 

But, God connected me with Dr. Rev Barnes to worship, pray and cheer each other on like mother and son

But, God connected me with Dr. Kate through knowledge and university

But, God gave me back my parents

But, God gave me medication that has saved my life. Helped me reach stability.

But, God helped me graduate from PBA

But, God helped me get accepted to IWU, now WNMU

But, God saw my end from my beginning. Nothing was a surprise to him. He knew I’d make, and He knows I’m a world changer and history maker just beginning.

Now, God will continue to see me through.

Now, God will bring my hopes, dreams, and more than I can imagine to reality.

Now, God is my hope for tomorrow and my reason to wake up for the future.

Now, God is and always has been the source of my testimony, and I refuse to be shamed not to share it, for He’s never been ashamed of me and not bless me and be there for me. If you think your reading or being a part of my life is by luck, you’re wrong. You were divinely placed for this specific time before the world of creation began. God has a future for you, and He loves you. He, too, is waiting for you to realize like I have your “But, God” moment.

I have realized that without God, I’d be dust, and with God, I can do everything.

I’ll be 31 in 4 days. This, according to my plans, wasn’t meant to be. But, God!

Facts:

I am realizing that stability is a choice.

I am responsible for my own actions regardless of the intensity of the emotion I feel at the present moment.

I realize emotions can feel uncomfortable and are often unwelcomed but they cannot harm me, for they have no power.

The only power they have is what I give them.

I have to ride the wave, sit back, accept what is being presented, experience it, not judge it and reflect. The proper thing to do is to question, “what can I learn from this experience?”

“What are these emotions here to teach me?”

“How can I use this experience to grow?”

I’m realizing growth is a choice. I can run from a situation. I have that option or look at it as a teacher.

Maybe everything in life is a teacher and we keep going around the same mountain or obstacle course until we realize that.

Jill says “feelings are not facts” and that has been the greatest lesson I’ve learned and Jill’s greatest sermon.

Danielle says to “radically accept almost everything and look at everything from a non-judgmental stance” my practice for life.

I think I am at that point in life where I want to just embrace it and grow; to heal and move on.

I don’t want to be stuck in tomorrow any longer. for today holds so many great mysteries even in its disappointments there are surprises.

I want to remain Surprisable. 

Strength

When we hear the word “strong” it’s often associated with the idea of physical strength. I challenge you to think about emotional strength. Emotional strength comes from your inner being, at the core of who you are, there’s no other strength like it. I’ve survived rape, neglect, physical and emotional abuse; people ask how am I not bitter? How am I still functioning? How do I still smile. I reply “God.”

I will forever state that “we are spiritual beings having a humanistic experience.” Whether you would like to admit it, or not, you’re a spiritual being living the human experience. You inner being is what strengthens you when you want to give up and give into the negativity within this humanistic experience.

You can’t become physically strong without a continual work-out routine, commitment to a healthy diet and probably help from a physical trainer. It takes time, dedication, hard work, and desire. There’s no difference with emotional strength! We don’t choose the cards we are dealt in life, we can’t change the past, the hurt, abuse and misunderstandings. However, you have a choice!Will allow your circumstances to strengthen you emotionally, and spiritually or destroy you;sometimes it will require reaching out to others, but often it’ll require having faith in a high power, and knowing in your heart that, no matter what it looks like; you have what it takes to make it!

It’s not fair, the pain we have to go through living this human life. It hurts to cry and not have someone to hold onto you. It hurts when a love one dies, and you’ll never get to see them again. It hurts! It sucks! It’s what you do with the pain that makes the difference for your life and the lives of others.

Think of life as a gym membership, you’re signed up, and your intentions are to physically look the best and to be in a healthy shape and feel the best; so you work at it. You commit yourself to a work-out routine. You discipline yourself to eat healthy and then after a while you’ll start to see the change. That size 10 will become a size 8. 🙂

Allow your experiences to build you, make a commitment to yourself; believing irregardless of what comes, I (you) will make it. You’re a survivor! You’re a winner! You’re a conquer. You have to be there for yourself when, no one else is there. You have to believe that you have been given the tools to handle everything you will experience. Believe that whomever your high power/deity is, for me it’s “Jesus” has your best interest at heart and will not let you fall so far down, that you cannot be saved.

My strength comes from my commitment to my mental health, religious support, community support, friends and mainly myself. Things always work our the way they are meant to be, and I believe even if you don’t that there is a God who loves you, looking out for you and wants you to trust your inner strength.

You can do all things through Christ (whomever you diety or God is) that has given you STRENGTH!

Blessings,

Domenia L Dickey

I’m convinced: You’ll Make it

A Pastor preached tonight and said: I’m convinced, You’ll make it.

We are all going through something in our lives; keep on living (there’s an upside) We need to realized that seasons (life’s circumstances) will change. So my question to those who question God, and believe in God: What does it really mean to live? What does it really mean to live for/with God?

Blessings aren’t always materialistic. Sometimes just being able to walk is a blessing; there’s someone out there that can’t. In every struggle God is there and even if you doubt, can’t feel him; know he’s there. You still have to stand. Don’t give up on God and on Life. God’s never given up on you. Even when it feel like you’re alone, STAND! No one’s life is meant to be easy, every one is given a specific journey to take with the hope that they will give back to a life.

It’s when you’re in your darkest spot, you’ll find out how strong you really are. Trouble, trials, circumstances, can either make you, or break you. What we need to realize is that we at some point, we have a choice, to give up or keep trying, and know that we’ve given it our best. And, we’ll keep on trying. These road blocks, I believe are test of character, patience and will power.

So embrace the pain, in knowing that the greatest glory in life is when you rise every time. Dr. Angelou said it the best, “Like Dust, We Rise” Seasons we must go through just like a life has beginning and a life had an ending. In everything there’s a purpose, my brother and my sister: in everything there is a PURPOSE. You’re not in this alone, even when no one responds to your text messages or answers you phone calls. You’re not alone.

“Like Dust, You Rise!” You’re not the first to experience pain, not will you not be the last. I hope you don’t feel like I’m trying minimize what you’re going through. I’m not! But someone, somewhere has been through the same thing, and survived- you will too! There will be feelings of abandonment, bitter words, silence, “You Rise” Even Jesus had disciples. Even Jesus was not alone. There is a God, Allah, Buddah (where ever you’re in your faith) that will and has encouraged you, and sent people to encourage you. Never allow negative people and experiences: take you out. You’re stronger than you know.

I’m convinced: You’ll Make it. Remember my brothers, and my sisters, black, white, gay, transgender, bi, str8, baptist, muslim no matter who you are, or your faith, I’m convinced when present with hard time, you’re presented with the opportunity to grow into and deeper to your person, and fulfill your purpose.

Your season of Change is coming, your season of pain is ending, and you have everything you already need to make it even if it doesn’t look like it. Trust me. I was going to kill myself tonight, and then I went to a church service and was reminded of my God, my strength and how I’ve come through so much. I can make it. Eventually, in your time of trouble you will have two options, 1. give up or 2. keep trying.

Will you have faith in yourself? Will you trust in an invisible God/deity? Will you trust that there is sometime bigger than you, who knows the future and plans for your life, and will never let you fall, and stay down. My boss told me this week, “Mia, I’ll give you the hours, don’t let me down.” In crutches, and in pain, I kept my word. Made it to my shift, took my brakes, made drinks, took orders and conquered today. So to Jenn (boss), ” I know, you had know idea of how hard it is for me to work with my pain, to stand for hours, and just to smile when I want to cry, and give up on life permanently. But I’m a woman of my word. Just like my God, who is a God of his word. I came to work, for the business, to prove to you that I could do it, and to encourage myself”

I’m convinced: Together, You and I will make it. Just like I’m making it!