Tag Archives: death

Have a new perspective: You can handle it!

God says in scripture, “weapons may be formed against us, but they will not prosper.

I am not sure why life hits us so hard. I am unsure why there are diseases, corruption, mass shootings, cancer, or death. Nor do I have the answer for it. I believe in a higher power who has the answer but will not always give it until we go through the trial and gain a new perspective.

I genuinely believe every trial and circumstance is meant to build us if we allow it. We can sit on the sidelines, have pity, become overwhelmed with anxiety or depression, or make a conscious decision that “I’m going to look at this differently and glean what I can and move onto my next assignment.

No devil in hell can stop you from reaching your true potential, not poverty, not illness, not disability or circumstances. You can only stop yourself! We are our own worst enemy and that saying is true.

I was recently fired from a job I loved working with adults with autism, intellectual disabilities, and developmental disabilities who live with co-existing medical and mental illnesses. I worked hard and followed the books. Two weeks before my probation was over, I was let go with the explanation that “I wasn’t a good fit.” I was depressed initially and stopped working out and eating. Then I listened to a sermon and some worship music and realized my job isn’t the source of my identity, nor is it responsible for my happiness. I am, and God alone is. I felt free.

I also realized there will be other jobs, and my career will continue. My destiny is not over. I am not less of a man, less anointed, less valuable, or unworthy. I am a child of God, his prize possession, the apple of his eye, and he loves me and has a great future planned for me. With more bumps and pit stops ahead. It’s important to remember that it’s a “pit stop and not a pitfall.” I had every right to feel every emotion I was feeling, but that didn’t give me the ok to stop living and have a pity party. If I can survive foster care, survive and live with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety, be in my first year of an MSW program, and overcome homelessness, I can overcome losing a job. God has gotten me through all that, and I learned so much from this job, about the population I like to work with, the hours I work better at, I gained my CPR/First Aid certification, and learned how to work while living with a mental illness. I gained so much. I’m grateful to God for this experience. If I could do it all over again, I would. I’m not bitter or angry. Nor am I sad. I am at peace with my creator, knowing he is in control and has crowned my life with favor, and my life will go on.

As will yours! You’re going to make it. Keep dreaming. No dream is too big for the creator to make come true. No goal is out of reach. Nothing is limiting you.

Have a new perspective: With God, you can, and you will handle this!

Domenia

Kwanzaa Kujichagulia

Kujichagulia ~ Self Determination. “To Define Ourselves, Name Ourselves, Create For Ourselves And Speak For Ourselves

What are you determined to change about yourself to improve?

What are you determined about this world change?

What are you determined in this world to use your voice for to make ripples in the water to speak for future generations to come?

What gets you fired up? What makes you angry enough to say, enough is enough? What are you determined to be the change for this year and for eternity?

I take this Nguza Saba principle as a charge or order, and a question to answer.

One that will be answered when you have lived out your “dash.” What do I mean about living by saying “living out your dash” When you die there is the day you are born and a dash between the day you die. What is remembered and eulogized is the “dash”

One question:

What will your dash say?

I pray in hope mine will say, brave, courageous, noble warrior who lived for truth and self-actualization. Who saught out the light in everyone and every situation. Saw every obstacle as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. Grounded in integrity bathed in righteousness that can only be crown from the King of the Heavens. Educated and educator. Father and philanthropist, prolific public speaker, and minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Transgender yet transcendent. Lover and a fighter. The reader of words and life. Self-determined to make life better not only for himself but for those coming behind and beside him. A giant slayer and generational leader. This is my hope for the readers of my “dash”

What are yours?

Habari Gani!

Joyous Kwanzaa.

In remembrance of Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I cannot make you get a booster. I wish you saw the death that I have because that might change your mind. It’s hard to accept. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that you can die of this awful disease that has killed almost 800,000 Americans and 5 were my friends and 3 family members. It’s hard to reach out to you because you don’t read but watch the world but through the tv. You won’t pick up a book or an article. You’re no longer an educator, you’re just existing just a shell of the woman I once knew. You take medication from doctors not knowing what it is. You’re having surgeries and you have no idea what they’re doing but it’s science; so is the booster. I’m immunocompromised and already had the stomach flu. I have other mothers I’ll make it. But I cannot have someone who can put my life in jeopardy around for me or my one-day future kids. We can talk via Whatsapp. But we can no longer see each other. I know you’ll see this as black and white but there is so much grey. I love you but I cherish my health more. If you decided to get the booster then we can hang again if not this is the path you have chosen and you have really lost two children. One because he is an asshole and the other because of your choice. I pray to hug you again and kiss you. I wish you well. I’m losing you twice once to foster care and this time to covid vaccine denial and that shouldn’t be the answer. I also need space to digest this. I probably won’t call for a while. It’s just so hard. But I needed to make this statement so the world could hold me accountable. Talking to you is painful for I don’t know if it’s going to be my last and I want to be able to control that and not a disease. So I’m saying goodbye for now but not forever. One day I hope you will have your child back. It’s been a great year with you in my life. I’ll cherrish it as if it’s been a decade. I will honor you and respect you.

You Son,

Domenia Zih.

Who I am! Where I’ve been!

Readers and Followers,

I’ve been away! Sorry. I needed time to heal and to become stable. I needed to know more about myself. I am now a graduate of Palm Beach Atlantic University. It took 9 years however, I did it.

I needed to create a community for myself. I lost a lot of people on the way. I came out as a Transma FtM (look for more posts on this). I am no longer homeless. I have been declared emotionally stable, with no hospital visits for 2 years and 7 months 11 days.

I’m older! I’m 28. Almost 30! No children or partners yet!

My grandmother has passed. I lost my last great aunt and my forever family. As a result, I was homeless for about 3 years. Life moving from a treatment shelter to supported housing to my own studio apartment has been a journey I’d never want to take again.

I have the best treatment and support team ever. I have the best momma bear Dr. Mouriz. I have a bunny son named Jhonni Root Canal. I am a foster parent to a turtle named Avalos Owen Brown. I have my bio mom back in my life and it’s going great.

I am applying to graduate school. Western New Mexico State University, University of Denver, University of New Hampshire the University of North Dakota. I’d love to earn an MSW and Nonprofit Administration concentration. The next and final degree will be a Ph.D. in Positive or Humanistic Psychology.

I’m out and proud Transman FtM and still Christian! I love my life. I’m loving my transformation mentally and physically. I’m in love with me! I’m in love with life! I’m sad school is over, however, I am learning how to manage time without school for the first time in 9 years. I start my second part of physically transitioning this year (top surgery, look it up).

Life and my goals seem to be coming together. I’ve lost many people and gained so much more. This is really it. My absence has been to focus on treatment, finishing school, organizing my thoughts and battling multiple holiday blues. Now things are settled.

I’m back! Kwanzaa is approaching, my new year! Although I’ve been through a lot in 3 years, It was the greatest journey of my life. The stories I’ve listened to, the prayers with strangers, seeing people at their lowest and become better individuals and the spiritual and religious growth outstanding.

I’m an official Sailfish! Always will be! Graduation was in May! We had a virtual one thanks to Covid-19 I’m still pumped!

I missed you all and missed reading your blogs!

I’m Back!

I’m officially changing my name to:

Domenia Xih Zih