State of my UNION

Dear Tim Scott,

Great job. Not! Your rebuttal was full of empty words, increased divisiveness between the American people, a disgrace to our black ancestors who blood and sweat built this country lastly I wouldn’t be surprised if you lost the vote and support of every black man and women whom you once inspired; now you’ve been a black sell out for the falsehood of a partisan lie.

Do you know what it’s like to be poor? Do you know what it’s like to be on food stamps, living on disability, and begging for a opportunity to make it out the hood as a black transgender (FTM) man? Do you know my pain? Do you know what it’s like waiting in a state building for your food stamps renewal to go through? or Medicaid? or Medicare? Try waiting for 3 hours on a good day with kids screaming and crying lines out the door. Poverty looks great, huh!

Why hinder President Biden?

Let me tell you and America my story. Raised in foster care. Paid my way through college with loans and scholarships. Hit by a car. Worked years as a barista at Starbucks (are you a vanilla latte-guy?). I have bipolar disorder with anxiety, depression and psychosis. My medication costs more than 3k a month. In yet I studied hard and went to school. With a foster family who loved me on condition. I attempted suicide after the accident and in a mixed episode state my foster parents said they could give me a sleeping bag but I could not come home. I lived on the beach. I showered in the ocean. I was dirty. I stinked. I was poor. To this day without my mentor mommy I would not be able to eat healthy and lose weight if she didn’t give me money for food. I only get 158$ a month for food stamps.My rent is almost 300$ and my disability is 700$. Don’t forget bills! We need the Biden package. People like me! I worked and worked at a restaurant so I could get a free meal. Eventually I joined a program called Continuum of Care, received medicaid, disability, found public housing (still there) and am living with chronic pain from a body that never healed correctly after being hit by a car while riding a bike from work in the rain at night because a white cop gave me an order, threatened me and I obeyed. Because of my obedience I was hit and because of my obedience the cop blamed me for the accident. No parents. Just a mentor who is my mommy. A praying God mother. And Continuum of Care.

Because of Continuum I have a home, treatment, insurance, and income. Continuum exists because of people like President Biden and Vice President Harris.

I am now applying for a msw program so I can start a real life and a family. Hopefully find a wife. I dream of starting a program where youth in foster care can age out go to college out of state and have a home to come to, earn a driver’s license, and mentor high school foster youth and have successful and powerful internships in the state of CT; so I can work on breaking the inner city negative poverty mindset. It’s no fun to make it out alone. I want a team!

President Biden, package yes, is pricey. I know. Work with him. We as America need both parties. Being progressive for me doesn’t mean being democrat it means continually pressing towards a goal for the better good of mankind.

Let’s stop knocking each other down and let’s start building one another up. If Jesus were to see what America has come to be he’d be disappointed. Love one another as you love yourself. Question,have you ever spoken to a transgender person and asked our story? What’s it like coming out? What’s it like going through another puberty? Continually asserting your pronouns and being afraid to use the bathrooms. Afraid to go to church. I came out to my church and there was a prayer circle around me to change. Some people treated me like a disease and pastors who were my aunts never answered my phone calls. My family disowned me twice.

Lastly! I think you should go to Oakland Cali. With sweatpants, hoodie and Jordans. Go to a bodega buy a Pepsi (you guys still boycotting Coke?)and see how the police treat you. They won’t see Senator Tim Scott..They will see a black man! I live in New Haven Connecticut and they will see a black man you will be stopped and asked questions if you’re lucky and harrassed. Not everyone in America is racist. But America was built on racism, genocide, greed, hate and lust. Don’t be blind to the truth for the sake of anyone and/or political party. Open your eyes! America sees you!

Truly,

Domenia Zih

Like Dust, I Rise

Last night I had written my final wishes, and will; saying my good-bye, having my last words be “I’ve tried.” I always talked about killing myself, and I’ve had attempts. After being assaulted, and getting hit by a car, I felt so alone. My aunt and Dad said that sometimes we have to go through things physically alone but God is always there. Last night, I called my aunt to pray with me, the final prayer I would ever hear, because tonight 9/16/2015 I was going to kill myself, and not reach out to anyone. I didn’t want it to be seen as a cry for attention, and I didn’t want to burden anyone else. I was also told that if you are really going to kill yourself, you don’t talk about it; you just do it. That was my plan.

On crutches I’ve been going to work, and by God’s grace getting home. I heard that there was church, and my pastor was going to be there. I knew in my heart, that I needed to go. I knew in my heart that if I never have another friend, if I limp and take the bus for the rest of my life that God would still be there. I knew it, but I needed to hear it. I needed to see familiar faces of  from the one who poured into my heart and my soul. I also knew I needed to hear from God.

I had forgotten at how much I’ve survived, and the wonderful people whom have blessed my life. I had forgotten about those who answered their phone nightly and prayed with me. I forgot about how much support I really have. I forgot how strong I really am. I forgot about God, and his importance in my life. I wanted to give up, allowing life, to take me out. A woman I look up to: Min. Barnes said “I’m a warrior” and then she said “even warriors need rest.” I realized, my rest is in a God that you cannot see, sometimes can’t hear, or, understand. But I had to take rest in remembering what in knowing my life will get better; I will succeed, and my dreams, goals,  to reach out to youth in foster care will happen

I will not take my own life. That’s not how my story is going to end. I make that choice. Yes, I’ll get depressed. Yes, I’ll get manic. Yes, I might have hallucinations. I will have struggles, and face hard times. Everyone will, more than once; but as Maya Angelou said, “Like Dust, I RISE.”  I have no idea what tomorrow will look like. I have no idea where I’ll be next month, but I know I’ll be alive! Because giving up is a choice, I fought to hard to make it to where I am. I’m not ready to say good-bye.

Today 9/16/2015 I choose life.

Pastor Paula White says “do not cure your crisis-use it; for it’s in times of the crisis that your courage, faith, and strength, lets you live an undefeated life.

I’d like to add: it’s time of crisis that you are being molded into the person God has mean’t for you to be. It’s building you, and not destroying you.

Choose life with me, and lets make it together.

THE UNHEARD VOICE

What you will read are words of the voices from youth, friends, family and church members,  whom at one time or another felt as though there voice was not heard. This post also consists of my experiences as well. I still attend church, just not as often. Remember, these are not the words of everyone, just those whom I’ve talked to and stopped attending church. This is not the truth about every church, nor every pastor but I believe that there are ways for us to improve, grow as a family, encourage hearts, show unconditional love and to teach the ways of Jesus. So the list below is what I’ve heard, the discussions I’ve had with people, and concerns that I’ve witnessed pastors saying during sermons over. Here are a few, but remember that there are ways for us to grow as a church and a community. Jesus wants to be in our hearts, and to remember we are the church, the individual! Not the Building!

You wanna know the truth as to why we’ve stopped attending  church service, or don’t attend often? Here you go.

1. Tradition has become more important than the souls of people
2. Instead of transforming lives we to demand that people pay  in order to be blessed by God
3. If we cannot  give a 50$ offering or more, we are basically told that God would not speak to us
4. Youth are ignored; told to be seen not heard
5. Worship has been forgotten. It doesn’t seem like we don’t know the truth behind authentic worship
6. Judgment is prevalent, when no one is perfect; Jesus was the only perfect man to have lived on this earth
7. We have selected parts of the bible to teach, and follow based on the anticipated amount of offering
8. The question that lays heavy on my heart is : How can I use my God given gift, being authentic to myself and express whom God is to me, and what God means to me?
9. There is a time limit on ministry, the word of God needs to be spoken in 20 minutes of less. Worship and praise cut short, establishing habitual tradition
10. Programs and services are based on population number. I’ve had preachers say that “there’re not enough people present so we can go home.”
11. The topic of Jesus, is sometimes lost in the sermon
12. We preach condemnation of sin, with showing, the love that God has for us, despite our sin
13. Is there even commitment to corporate worship, and freedom of praise, anymore?
14. Church has become a fashion show; who looks the best, and who wore the best shoes
15. What about the hurt, the pain and the deliverance people need?
16. Teach me about what is means to be a Christ-follower and not your opinion!
17. We see hate, discrimination, lack of tolerance and a lack of individuality, so we must pray, preach and sing like everyone else
18. We’ve forgotten Christ’s true message, and instead convoluted the truth
19. We haven’t consistently fed the hungry, sheltered the poor and educated our youth; its a once a week affair
20. We blame the actions of hate, killings, and behaviors learned on public leaders, teacher, politicians for allowing such violence. When the truth is that the hate etc. started at home.

Where is God ? I can’t find him! I see people, programs and tradition. The very tradition that Jesus broke. Everyone should be allowed in church, women, men, children, LGBTQ, minorities, the uneducated and those with a different ideologies and religion. Jesus welcomed these people, and we have shut them out.

Will the true Christians STAND UP? Or are we are religious copy-cats, traditional copy-cats, and following money hungry preachers. There’s no reason why a mega preacher needs to be paid 10,000$ in order for them to do what Jesus said. The word of God is not something we need to pay for.

I’m tired, in pain, confused and demanding a new revelation for your leaders and followers.  Young people, and congregates it is time to demand change, and know the word of God for ourselves.  Lives Matter. With so much hurt in the world, lack of peace, killings and tears are streaming from the eyes of of God’s children; remember all lives matter. This is when we need the church the most. We need Jesus. Not opinion! !Not politics. We need Jesus Christ!

I want Jesus! I want more of him. I want to worship, individually, and corporately. I don’t want to be selfish. I want to minister to hearts. Heal the sick. Listen to the pain, and offer comfort in Jesus Name. I want a new filling of the Holy Spirit.

I want something new. I’m called to preach the word of God. I’m called to worship. I’m called to educate the hearts of everyone, no matter their different walks of life. Maybe I’m just as guilty, but to the hearts I heart, those I didn’t listen to, those I’ve judge, assumptions I’ve made, promises broken, laziness and not practicing the life Life of JESUS. Forgive me, because my savior has!

Something new is brewing.

“Hi, welcome to Starbucks”

“Hi welcome to Starbucks, my name is Mia. What can I get started for you.”

Starbucks logo, I didn’t create this logo nor own any rights to it. I am just a barista for Starbucks Coffee Company.

At least three days a week I open the doors to Starbucks, taking a deep breathe and greet customers with that one main point. I’m very vocal about my mental health, diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar Disorder NOS, and Borderline Personality Disorder with  Psychosis. I’m also vocal about how without my medication I can’t achieve stability, nor serve you the customer your perfect cup of coffee. As of now I’ve worked at three Starbucks, and each location has been an experience to remember.

My original store was hard, I cried before attending to my shift, I felt incompetent when trying to make drinks, my self-esteem decreased; I felt like a burden. I worked with fellow Barristers whom harbored dislike for me, and judge me. I felt as though getting hired at my dream job (for now) was a mistake but I needed a pay check, so I went to work and hated every minute of it. It became triggering for me, and psychologically unhealthy. My manager was often dissatisfied with me, and blamed it on my illness. I was often hospitalized because I was triggered while working at this location. This was my image of the company and I wanted to quit.

So I transfered stores. Nervous that I would have the same outcome, and worried that I was the source of my previous managers dislike and anger, however; I need a check and I was willing to give it a try. So I meet with our District Manager, and the manager of my new store,Jenn. Jenn was quite and reserved and willing to help me start anew.

Jenn is quite, with a strong personality, she takes honor in her job, and treats her employees as a human beings. She has not judged me for my illness, and has allowed me to grow in my skills and confidence. Bar is the area where the drinks are made, and I’ve always experienced trepidation when attempting to work on bar. She said I was slow, but I knew my stuff and would get better. What makes her a great manger is that: 1. she gives great encouraging feed back to fellow partners, 2. has faith in her partners and leadership abilities 3. has confident in her judgment. 4. respectful and even tempered. 5. funny, and plays really good 90’s music. 6. not judgmental, and understanding that every learns differently 7. promises that each Barrista will become better and stronger. 8. promotes unity and cooperation 9. eats really healthy 10. knows how to mange and address the needs of customers and her employees.

Who wouldn’t want to work for/with a manager like mine?  She gave me a second chance when my name was tainted and I promised not to let her down. I enjoy work, I go on my days off. I’m getting better at bar, and customer service. I’ve grown and have increased my faith. My current location is not as bad as my previous store. My store now and manager reflects the true identity of Starbucks and its partners. My store rocks! I love it.

Jenn, I hope you read this and know it comes from my heart. I look forward to continue creating drinks and serving customers.

“Hi, I’m Domenia welcome to Starbucks. What can I get started for you?