Today is the first day of Kwanzaa it is Umoja which means Unity and it was an amazing day. Christmas brought a day of blues, I had no electricity and heat and my animals were so cold I thought that they had died. It was a day of despair. I stayed in bed. It started on Christmas Eve when I realized this would be another holiday alone no parents, or friends, or mentors, just me. I wanted to blame it on covid but this is every year. Last time I had a real Christmas I was a teen with my foster family around a tree opening gifts and I was too mentally ill to appreciate it. I wish I could take those days back. Because now those days are bleak.
It’s interesting that Kwanzaa started on a Sunday. My favorite day of the week because I love hearing sermons from Pastor Steven Furtick at Elevation Church. Unity to me was texting a few friends but reconnecting with Jesus on an in-depth level in knowing I may not wake up to family nor hear from them anymore but I have so much to be grateful for my and the idea of a family for me has evolved. I have a Continuum Family, my mentor mommy is pregnant and married, I have my foster family, I have pets and friends I made across the world from Elevation church. I also had top surgery and I feel great becoming the man I was and always have been.
Umoja has evolved it’s not just being around the people you are born to but those you surround yourself with and allow yourself to love you. Covid has allowed me to broaden myself, even more, public speaking engagements have started and I have created friendships and am starting graduate school at an all-accepting Christian University studying Social Work and Positive Psychology. Umoja means the unity of dreams coming true, communities coming together, and self-growth.
I’m grateful. This has been a sad year regarding covid and deaths. However, relationships have budded in my life and ended. All are considered a blessing. I worked two jobs one educating k-1 students and a second helping homeless veterans.
What really put the icing on the cake tonight was that I realized every tear I cried Jesus caught and put in a jar. And he (Jesus) also cried too. Every time I wanted to give up there was an angel sent my way. Every time I was hungry and had no food or money God sent angels to help me out. He also sent me a brother. I’ve never been alone in my darkest hour. I remember what makes Christmas so great was that God was silent for over 400 hundred years and the hope was that he was sending a Messiah and he sent a baby. Jesus came into this world as King but as one of us needing naps and diaper changes too. He came lowly and rose highly. Then he died on a cross for our sins if you choose to believe so that there will never be years of silence between creation and God again. I found hope in this. I knew this. But to hear it again with compassion, humor made me cry I and I felt my pain release. I knew I can no longer look back. My trauma is just that trauma, not my future. My past will help me be a better person, social worker, and psychologist. My trauma will be my motivator, not my hinder.
I’ve been released. Joyous Kwanzaa indeed it has been for me. Umoja Everyone May You All Have A Story To Tell