Just BLACK n’ scared

I’m angry. I’m pissed. I’m hurting. There’s not a word magnificent enough nor profound enough to express how black and scared I am. I am a black trans man. The rate of me being killed are high by a policeman, by a white person, and by a black person. Does my life matter? Or am I just a mere atom taking up space in what we call existence waiting to die and decompose in the ground. To die the black illnesses high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, Covid-19 or worse by the gun of a white man; a white cop?

Out of mind out of sight! or is it Out of sight out of mind?!

When is one black life enough? When does it stop? How do I tell young black men, young trans men you have a future when in reality their life is seconds away from none…

White people. White fucking people! WHITE MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE, will you stop killing me? White people, what is one black life worth to you? WHITE PEOPLE, hear the cries from the earth. All we want to do is live! We get it your better than us. We get it you deserve all the power. We get it your superior to us. We fucking get it. So I ask BLACK PEOPLE, we have to force change and challenge that ideology in order for change to come.

WHITE PEOPLE, we can buy your clothing and organic food. We can speak like you and attend your schools. (sometimes!) We can hide our blackness but as the sun fade, you only see our teeth. As the sunshine, we only look like a shadow.

WHITE PEOPLE, what the fuck are you afraid of? What the fuck are you afraid of? Why are you killing our sons and daughters? Why are we falsely accused of crimes we didn’t commit? Why do we live in the slums?? Why do we pay to your tithes and offerings for your churches to grow and build more Starbucks and were looking for a Dunkin Donuts.

BLACK PEOPLE RAISE YOUR VOICE! YES!!!! YES!!! I’m screaming…You can’t hear my voice so hear my words. I’m SCREAMING and pulling my hair…MY PEOPLE ARE DYING…EVERY DAY…EVERY YEAR..more death after death it is something that has come to be the daily norm and WHITE FUCKING PEOPLE walk away with good conscious and a clear record.

BLACK PEOPLE let’s mobilize. BLACK PEOPLE let’s organize. SYSTEMIC Racism is a disease and we must find a cure for it ourselves. WE HAVE TO DO IT FOR OURSELVES. I’m Angry. I’m Hurt. I’m Scared. If I don’t look the right way or answer in the correct tone my name may be next in the news..

GOD HEAR OUR CRY. FORGIVE US. CHANGE US. HEAL US. Black people and White people. GOD you see no color. God, you see your children. GOD you see no orientation you see your people. Jesus, you see your brothers and sisters. Jesus, we are the ones you died for and we are dying every day.

Mr. Domenia Xih Zih

BLACK PEOPLE cry out to the sun and moon. BLACK PEOPLE jump and shout until there is a mighty earthquake. BLACK PEOPLE stop killing each other as a white person show. BLACK PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE. BLACK GAY PEOPLE. BLACK MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE. BLACK INCARCERATED. BLACK FREE PEOPLE. BLACK CHILDREN. BLACK MEN. BLACK WOMEN. BLACK TRANS PEOPLE. BLACK NON BINARY PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE. GOD’s PEOPLE.

CRY

SCREAM

SHOUT, MAKE A MIGHTY RAWR

I’m fucking angry. I’m hurting and this pain doesn’t go away. I numb it. BUT NO MORE. NO MORE I SAY. NO MORE!

BLACK PEOPLE. MY PEOPLE LET’s BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE. LET’s DEMAND THE CHANGE WE NEED. LET’s HEAL OUR PEOPLE. LET’s EDUCATE our people starting out with lesson one: WE ARE BLACK and BLACK FIRST. Unapologetically BLACK. WE ARE the successors of SLAVERY. We OVERCAME JIM FUCKING CROW. WE ARE STRONG. WE WILL FUCKING DEFEAT DONALD JACKASS TRUMP!!!! WE ARE MIGHTY IN THE LAND. WE ARE BLACK. and yet SCARED!

advice anger belief belonging bible bipolar change children choice Christianity community connections death depression desire destination determination direction dreams education encouragment faith family foster care freedom goals god hope hopes humanity inspiration jesus kwanzaa life lifestyle lost love mental-health pain peace prayer purpose relationships religion truth

Black Belief!

I believe I am the answered prayer of a slave.

I believe that the God of my slave ancestors is outside of religion space and time

I believe that God is consistent and his word is his bond (promises)!

He promised:

hell on earth

calamity and suffering; on this he was clear

I know of the suffering of the black slaves

I know the suffering of generations to come and I empathize and stand to chant

BLACK LIVES MATTER

God’s truth holds in court

God assures peaks of peace and times of prosperous soulful restoration

the movement and belief that BlACK LIVES MATTER

witnesses to the struggle of souls

and the promised and answered prayers of slaves

that we would marry wisdom, dance with destiny and find peace in chaos

Proclaim our integrity

We will walk along with the historical negro voices

Our feet will hit rock, and legs will get scarred

Our voices will unite in a war cry

then, you will see our war dance

My people, My black people:

Stand with justice

And, light lady liberty’s flame

Be proud of our kinky hair and dark skin.

Black is beautiful.

God did not give us reason for doubt

But, he (God) promised a journey unlike any humans and overwhelming opportunities

I always wonder one day beside my name will they say “first negro to accomplish this” (whatever “this” is)

I was once a slave

But now we awaken and is FREE!

I was a slave until those cops killed my black brothers and sisters

I was a slave until I was denied rights based on the color of my skin

I was a slave until, I realized as a race, as a people; whom we were meant to be.

“Like Dust, I RISE!” Angelou said

For we are the rhythm and beat of a negro hymn

We triumph in memory believing, God is with us and gave a new name, a new identity and called us to a high calling

He called us his people, then he called us friend

and birthed us purposefully in an era of change, reconstruction, and opportunity

This is what I believe!

Kwanzaa: Nia (Purpose): WE are MORE!

• Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

 

Knowing one’s purpose is the greatest gift God could give an individual. It means fewer years being lost. No matter what your purpose is, no matter the size of one’s calling we should use it to build each other up. Not for wealth. But for legacy and unto our culture, to start the healing process of us as a people/nation.

The Black Voice has been strong in some areas and weak in other areas. I pray this year we are overcome with strength and are granted insight to our purpose.

Lets just make it a great year, 2018.!

Not talking about hatters, or hating our child parents, not fighting each other, eating junk, lets eat healthy and defeat the disease that plagues our race, let seeks healing and wholeness naturally, investing in one another, worshiping in churches, mosques, and temples where everyone is welcomed, seeking mental health support (Proudly and Unashamed) Lets make a change within ourselves. Let us end the lingering behaviors and mindset that has plagued us as a people since slavery.

We are more than the fixed income the gov’t thinks we are allotted. We are more than gov’t cheese. We are more. I believe this is my heart. Let us not settle for less, while making corporation richer. Let’s not settle at all.  work fucking hard, dammit!

It’s going to be uncomfortable, and going to be scary at times and it’s going to be different, but we a have a serve a great God! A god who created the world. We are blessed. Get it together, party less and study more. Hang out less and parent more. Let’s make a change, and change our futures for GOOD! Our future is Good! If we want. It’s a choice! We can repeat every year, or live out our purpose!

2018- Should be about change.

Remember that Senator from Illinois lets march on his words,

YES, WE CAN! This is our lives. This is our future. This is our PURPOSE!!!!!!

My quote for this year: “WE (I) am MORE!

This is our lives. This is our future. This is our PURPOSE!!!!!!

Joyous Kwanzaa

God Bless!

 

Kwanzaa: Ujima: Black lives do matter!

• Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together (wiki..)

 

I’d like to highlight the #blacklivesmatter movement for holding the sacred truths of Kwanzaa (deliberate or not). In reality, we are not far from the African American Civil Rights Movement (1954-1968). Our fight as black people may have transition but it has not changed.

2017 saw too much black death, by a fellow brother or sister, by a cop, by leaders who abuse their power, and citizens whom are quick to pick up a pistol before having that same quickness to listen. Sometimes I think we want to see hate, and violence, and discrimination as it’s a mask energy source. As if we as a country do not know how to live in harmony and peace. Or maybe we are afraid of it

Children are not born hateful, it is taught! Allow our children dear universe, equal opportunity to play and scrap their knees with one another. For our daughters not to be discouraged because their isn’t foundation to match their skin tone. For our sons to be known for their character and to not be known for the quality of his sneakers. For our children, dear universe, to aspire to be doctors, lawyers, construction owners, business owners, chefs, inventors, cosmetologist, teachers, and preachers as well. For them, limitless is their only option.  We went to be equally recognized in the media, movies, politics, and music; equally paid not based on gender or skin tone, but on hard work.

Many are threatened by the black lives matter movement/ civil rights movement just like they were in the 50’s and 60’s. There’s not a reason for fear. We black people, minorities, and women are the ones who live in fear. We come in peace. We demand respect, do not apologize for our integrity, we do not apologize for our kinky hair, dark skin, and broad backs. We are made in the image of our father, the creator of the universe. We don’t want our children to fear going to school for the fear of being killed is so surreal. Or fathers in the morning says goodbye to his children, but in his mind, he questions “will this be my final goodbye?”

I don’t want to read about another Trans/Queer/LGBTQIA person being killed, and never given their day of justice in front of blind lady liberty. I don’t want another brother or sister who is Trans/Queer/LGBTQIA and them not be recognized as human beings with a soul and as an equal creation from our creator.

I pray that in 2018 there are no more deaths plagued by the disease or prejudice, racism, and hate. I pray that in 2018 everyone has insurance. I pray that in 2018 no one goes to bed hungry, and no one is sleeping in the winter or summer, under a bridge or on the sidewalks. I pray for change!

I also understand that those who fought and continue to fight the good fight would want us in 2018 to keep fighting, but not just for us. For anyone without a voice. I pray eventually we birth a generation that is moved past race and gender and seen as a human. I pray that our society stops viewing individuals who are not white skin, or blue eyes as different. For we are a people, with a soul, with a story, and a child of the universe; just like them.

It’s our responsibility to our fellow brothers and sisters of the good fight. to build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems and to solve them together