Now, You!

Now I’m alive to tell the story of how I’ve overcome A victor and not a victim written story The truth about my daily struggles and how it’s met with mercy and grace This isn’t a poem. This is more of a narrative written by a broken person being made whole My freedom doesn’t come from the world and doesn’t come from the words of men I’m not lucky, and my resiliency isn’t a genetic default but a gift of His Spirit A gift of His grace To people who read my blog and my writings, time are tough, and relief seems to be a way away Stay encouraged. Lean on your foundation for dear life. I live paycheck to paycheck I live on food stamps and a monthly gov’t check I never know if my benefits will be cut or continued. But, I lean on supernatural faith. I often have to ask myself whether I buy eggs this week of soymilk I recently lost my job So, understand, you are not alone. This is what I tell myself daily. The creator of the universe understands. Despite the current dilemma, I live with my bills paid, and I have more than enough food. How? I blame Jesus, for he says, “he will never forsake you (me), nor leave you as an orphan” I am writing more of my faith not to push it on people but because it’s my foundation. Who Jesus is to me, Buddha or Allah might be for someone else. I do not have the authority to call any of these deities wrong. They’re essential. I am in a spot to say it’s essential to have a spiritual creator and community to belong to. Even if it’s a community of no faith, a community to belong to is necessary. When we are together, we share the burden of life and strengthen one another. Times are tough, and we shouldn’t go through them alone. I struggle with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and losing my job triggered an episode. It’s hard. Some days I’m energetic. Some days I want to sleep. Many days I feel there isn’t a point to it all. But I actively push through these negative thoughts because of my faith in Jesus and His Holy Spirit. I believe in Scripture. I know if God can be with me on the mountain tops, he is with me in the valley lows. I’ll fear no evil. I wish we would look at each other past the IG and FB pictures, ask what’s in your fridge and cabinets, and get honest about our struggles in life. That’s what people need, not this superficial stuff. It’s not helping us but tearing our souls apart. I’m being honest. I have not been overcome by the words of my testimony. I believe there will be more job opportunities. I will finish this current class with a minimum of an A-. I will stand firm on the rock of my faith, as will you. Be encouraged. Be honest. Be real. You will make my brothers, my sisters, and nonbinary siblings. I’m praying for you as Jesus prayed for believers. I’m praying that you succeed, your money goes farther, you enjoy your family, enjoy your job, find a new job, children and you succeed in school, you come to a flourishing end, you are equipped, well able, anointed, appointed, God loves you, God has grace, mercy for you. You will become all you set your mind, heart, and attitude to become. I’m praying in Jesus’ name over your life, family, career, and children, and you are happy. Be strong; you will walk and not weary; you will walk and not faint. -Amen .

Lament to Ascent

I lost me

I look in the mirror, and I see a shell.

A hollow mere image of a man who once smile

Did I break or whither in the sun

I open my mouth and nothing comes out

There are no more tears to cry

There is no anger to feel

My bipolar is raging one moment I’m energetic the next moment I’m lethargic

I have nothing but body aches and pain

There is silence, and stillness and I’m desperate for a righteous whisper

This is my thorn and I was taught where there is a thorn there is grace

This is my Lament.

Therefore through the pains, sadness, grief, and disappointment, I will choose another story

I will listen to the music of worship that lifts up the works of a risen savior

Therefore through the pains, bipolar manic highs and depressive lows

I will magnify and glorify the one true God who has seen me through this before.

I will eat. I will go on a walk. I will talk to my providers. I will speak with my ministers. I will talk with my mentor. I will pour out to those who pour life back into me.

For God is within the valley as he was with me on the mountain.

Every day isn’t a rainbow but it sure isn’t rain

Even when it rains it produces new life. And the rainbow comes to an end.

I will boast and not post.

Stand in reverence, awe, and amazement of the creator of all. All his good works and deeds.

On my worst days are he is still at his best

On my worst days, he is still really close, closer than a brother and nearer than a friend.

This is my ascent.

Have a new perspective: You can handle it!

God says in scripture, “weapons may be formed against us, but they will not prosper.

I am not sure why life hits us so hard. I am unsure why there are diseases, corruption, mass shootings, cancer, or death. Nor do I have the answer for it. I believe in a higher power who has the answer but will not always give it until we go through the trial and gain a new perspective.

I genuinely believe every trial and circumstance is meant to build us if we allow it. We can sit on the sidelines, have pity, become overwhelmed with anxiety or depression, or make a conscious decision that “I’m going to look at this differently and glean what I can and move onto my next assignment.

No devil in hell can stop you from reaching your true potential, not poverty, not illness, not disability or circumstances. You can only stop yourself! We are our own worst enemy and that saying is true.

I was recently fired from a job I loved working with adults with autism, intellectual disabilities, and developmental disabilities who live with co-existing medical and mental illnesses. I worked hard and followed the books. Two weeks before my probation was over, I was let go with the explanation that “I wasn’t a good fit.” I was depressed initially and stopped working out and eating. Then I listened to a sermon and some worship music and realized my job isn’t the source of my identity, nor is it responsible for my happiness. I am, and God alone is. I felt free.

I also realized there will be other jobs, and my career will continue. My destiny is not over. I am not less of a man, less anointed, less valuable, or unworthy. I am a child of God, his prize possession, the apple of his eye, and he loves me and has a great future planned for me. With more bumps and pit stops ahead. It’s important to remember that it’s a “pit stop and not a pitfall.” I had every right to feel every emotion I was feeling, but that didn’t give me the ok to stop living and have a pity party. If I can survive foster care, survive and live with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety, be in my first year of an MSW program, and overcome homelessness, I can overcome losing a job. God has gotten me through all that, and I learned so much from this job, about the population I like to work with, the hours I work better at, I gained my CPR/First Aid certification, and learned how to work while living with a mental illness. I gained so much. I’m grateful to God for this experience. If I could do it all over again, I would. I’m not bitter or angry. Nor am I sad. I am at peace with my creator, knowing he is in control and has crowned my life with favor, and my life will go on.

As will yours! You’re going to make it. Keep dreaming. No dream is too big for the creator to make come true. No goal is out of reach. Nothing is limiting you.

Have a new perspective: With God, you can, and you will handle this!

Domenia

Facts:

I am realizing that stability is a choice.

I am responsible for my own actions regardless of the intensity of the emotion I feel at the present moment.

I realize emotions can feel uncomfortable and are often unwelcomed but they cannot harm me, for they have no power.

The only power they have is what I give them.

I have to ride the wave, sit back, accept what is being presented, experience it, not judge it and reflect. The proper thing to do is to question, “what can I learn from this experience?”

“What are these emotions here to teach me?”

“How can I use this experience to grow?”

I’m realizing growth is a choice. I can run from a situation. I have that option or look at it as a teacher.

Maybe everything in life is a teacher and we keep going around the same mountain or obstacle course until we realize that.

Jill says “feelings are not facts” and that has been the greatest lesson I’ve learned and Jill’s greatest sermon.

Danielle says to “radically accept almost everything and look at everything from a non-judgmental stance” my practice for life.

I think I am at that point in life where I want to just embrace it and grow; to heal and move on.

I don’t want to be stuck in tomorrow any longer. for today holds so many great mysteries even in its disappointments there are surprises.

I want to remain Surprisable.