What’s my purpose? Nguzu Saba: “Nia”

  • Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

 

Dear Continuum Care of Connecticut,

You guys have changed my life. I’m still a pain in the ass, but you’ve changed my life. You welcomed me into your clinic as bipolar, schizophrenic, and gender fluid with open arms; telling me “Recovery is Possible.” Your staff hugged, listened to me cry, fall on the floor, walked me through anxiety attacks, and much more. Thank-you. I think the best thing that could have ever happened this year, was for me to become homeless. I say that with tears, because it was the hardest thing. Being hungry isn’t fun, feeling dirty hurts one’s self esteem, and then there is shame, embarrassment and self loathing that accompanies one when they become homeless. Continuum is still there, will give you a bed for the night and food to eat, and a new family, if you’re willing to accept it.

I have a different story because I don’t have substance abuse problems nor am I an alcoholic. However, I have a mental illness and I needed support. I thought I was going to be judge, and that Continuum was like every other program I’ve ever been in. But I was wrong.

Like an angel, you sent me John L. He has a warm heart, kind spirited and has a strong testimony. He reminds me of a lion and protects those that he is sworn to. He is honest and noble, generous, comforting and a bold and noble leader.

Then there is Jill G. I call her a thug, a swear she used to run the cartels. Now I laugh, because it’s silly. I say she is a thug because she is blunt and honest, right in your face with the truth and will not let anyone run from their lives and their responsibility. She is still teaching me to be responsible to honest and to work with integrity. I come to her even when I know what she is going to say because, she is like a bold eagle. You don’t see many of them, and when you do you’re star struck and attentive because you know that this moment is rare. So I listen!

Sue Brown, thank-you for forgetting my diet coke. Lol. For smiling with me, for secretly crying with me. For believing in me. And for not letting me go, even when I tried to push you away. God Bless you!

Monica and Maria, my mama’s! They mothered me and protected me, but trusted me to make the right choices. When I felt like my urges to self harm was to strong they went out side their way to listen to me, and get to know me. The two of them are books of walking wisdom. They taught me more coping skills then those that I ever learned from in therapy. It’s always a good day when they work. All the clients love them, and the bring light to a dull day. Thank you for sharing them with me.

Renee C. thank-you for being the bold and courageous diva and to listen to my story during intake, help make appointments, and really look into my eyes and see me as a person before you read my file. Lisa, thank you for your kind energy, wonderful spirit, and open mind. You never let me down, and always helped me look at a negative situation in a positive manner. Lauren, thanks for talking to me about anything that was on my mind. Thanks for encouraging me to be a “geek,” a honest one. Thanks for seeing me through each panic attack, and knowing when I needed to go to the hospital or not. It’s a tough decisions to make, but I trust you.

To the rest of Crisis and Respite and ELP 1, thank you for fighting for me to continue to have a home. I know the fight isn’t over, but I couldn’t wait any longer to express my gratitude. You guys rock! You change lives! You’re angels and sun light when people are at their lowest. You deserve the most pay ever, and if I had it I’d give it.

To Barbara, thank you for coming to my grandmothers funeral. We’ve never talked about that day, but you held my hand and was only a step away. I’ve never had a family like this.

Jill always says a family is what you make it, and sometimes you have to go outside yourself and make your own family. Continuum Care of CT you’re my new family.

I’m proud to say I’ve been sober from self harm for two month today. It’s all apart of my purpose. My heart before I meet you guys was pompous, arrogant and boastful. I walked passed a lot of homeless people who ended up being my roommates. Being homeless allowed to hear the hearts of others, to know why they started to use drugs or quit their meds. To pray with them before they’re discharged and to be able to say hi to them on the streets when we separated. I’ve cried with others, mourned with others, and laugh with others. I think just by sharing these mutual emotions that I made God proud. This journey of mine with mental health and homelessness was my purpose and confirmed my decision that in three semesters I’ll graduate with my BA in Psychology and Ministry. Then I’ll pursue a MSW, so I can do what you do, give back and help save lives. Then one day, I’ll pursue my PhD in Positive Psychology.

You see it’s apart of my purpose for me to feel stronger, healthy pride, love, have integrity to be bold, open minded, sense of curiosity and much more. My purpose and future is possible because of Continuum, Jill, John Crisis, ELP 1..you guys gave me hope when many times I wanted to just kill myself and hope my pain would end. Now I see a story and destiny in my pain.

This is my Nia!

This is Dedicated to Continuum Care of Connecticut.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s