Nguzo Saba: Kujichagulia- My Manic-Depressive Story

Image result for kujichaguliaKujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define and name ourselves, as well as to create and speak for ourselves.

Kujichagulia, means the most to me and I reflect most intimately on this day, because of the words, “self-determination”. Here’s why:

Plagued with an invisible illness

A illness that allows me to hear the voices of many

See visions and terrors

Feel what is not real

Drenched in darkness

Facing an open door of self offered mental oppression

Mental Darkness

Lost Hope

Invisible Darkness

Plagued with endless fatigued

Tears that will fill the Nile

Shivers and Coldness that resembles death

Then cursed with desire for death

Plans for death

Hoping for death with life bubbling around me

I’m isolated, life can’t penetrate me

As much as I need it

Mania is around the corner, offset for this oppressive descriptive depression

Energy of a child

Thoughts of a God

Creationism is in my grasp

I am Alpha and Omega

Sleep is obsolete

My words are as fast as a bullet

Scaring my mind

I am Manic

I am free my mind tells me

The energy I am producing is destroying me

Destructive, my mind is a great place for delusions

That I call imagination

Hallucination rest we me

My voices speak death to me

My head is loud, and speeding

I’m not free

I’m not depressed

I’m manic

To the doctors I go

Medications and therapy is apart of my RECOVERY

One Pill, I swallow four times a day

Second Pill, I swallow three times a day

Third Pill, I swallow twice a day

Fourth Pill is prescribed: As Needed

This is my Story

This is my Poem

Living with Bio-Schizoaffective Disorder

Living with Manic Depression

It takes self determination to see past the mask of symptoms

and take medicine

To admit a flaw

It takes self determination in the vision of my future

Belief in another energy

Belief in the TRUE me!

Every day I wake up, go to work, go to school, go to church = Kujichagulia 

My favorite day of Kwanzaa, Kujichagulia because I am able to see how strong I am, and how much more of a fight I have. I can make. I will make it. I am making it. So cry Domenia, it’s okay. You get going in the mornings, always. So scream Domenia, make your pain heard. You’ll take your meds and be soothed. So panic Domenia, and remember panic attacks leave always. You’re making it, to graduate college, to get to your masters program, to reach RECOVERY, no more scars. You’re healing. You’re healing. 

Recovery is in your reach

This is:

Kujichagulia= Domenia “Zih” Dickey’s Self-Determination Story 


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