My heart hurts. I’m not angry, but I’m hurting. Growing up in foster care, all I wanted was a family to call my own, and to be loved. I asked for a father, mother and sister. I thought I had that, but it was a figment of my imagination. I thought I found the man of my dreams, I did however, I wasn’t the woman of his dreams. I tried to fit in, look the part, and change who I was. All to be loved. Like many my mother wasn’t there nor was my father and I had a distant relationship with my family. I built a family, with people who called me theirs.
I lost my sister, the one women I looked up to the most. She’s been to every graduation, and I even lived with her. I saw some things at her house I never wish I saw. I saw a side of her, I wish stayed hidden. Today, my heart tore into pieces when I heard the words, “don’t call me anymore”, “you’re never welcomed in my house again”, “I’m no family to you,” “you’re nothing to me.”
Today, I lost my sister. So I just cried. She called me “little girl” and swore at me. Called me an “ass”. All I could say back was “I love you”. Her mouth cut like a sword cut, my heart and pierced my soul. How is it with her mouth she once said she loved me, and told other people I was her little sister, then the next said I was nothing.
My boyfriend cheated on me yesterday. I guess we were never together. I lost him. My mother yet again left me for a man.
I don’t have many people in my life. I dont have many people I call family. My circle is just getting smaller and smaller.
We all have to come to a point in our lives when we say come hell or high water, I will make it. If you leave me, and slander my name, I will make it. I can do all thing through Christ who gives me strength. I will make it. With the way my life has turned, I literally was going to kill myself tonight. Why not, I’ve just been dismissed by three people who mean’t the most to me. Who would care? A voice told me I was only a burden, that I did wrong, and that I don’t deserve better.
All I can say to my self, is I’ll make it! I’m not going to get angry, lose my cool. I’ll cry, but I’m not going to let my ex sister, ex boyfriend, mother NO ONE, stop me from living out my destiny.
I’m a junior in college, I’m going to graduate with honors. I’m going to get my LCSW. I’m going to get my PhD. I will have my future daughter Copper Estelle, and Zheala Knox. I’m not going to get distracted. I will get married, find the woman of my dreams. I will make it. I can see it. When I close my eyes I see it. I’m not going to die or kill myself. If someone doesn’t want to be a apart of my life, “good bye!”
My name is Domenia Dickey. I’m a black gender-fluid individual. I’m going to make it! I will make it! I can do it! I will never beg anyone to be in my life anymore. I’ve been hurt enough times. I get one life, and it will be about me completing out the work that God has placed in my life.
Stay encouraged to all my readers, keep me in prayer, like I’m praying for you.