A conversation with HE, about bipolar disorder!

Stranger: Why are you crying?

Me: Because, I was just fired from a job.

Stranger: I’m sorry, I’ll cry too.

Me: No smile, I need more smiles, for my tears sometimes are endless.

Stranger: If you don’t mind telling me, why where you fired?

Me: Because, I am reaching stability, and what that means for me, is not enough for the the business world. You see, I’m bipolar, and I take medication four times a day, to help keep my mood stable, to help keep my thoughts calm, to control my anxiety and ease my psychosis.

Stranger: Ah..

Me: I started a job, and was fired three days in because I was not fast enough due to my medication. I explained to my boss that this job helps pay for insurance to pay for my medical bills, and pay for my medicine; his response “It’s a business”

Stranger: That’s not fair. What do you think?

Me: I’m not normal, I have limitations. I will always need medication. I will always need some type of mental health assistance. This is the hand, I was dealt. This is the hand I accept, and I wouldn’t change it, because it has shaped me into the scholar I am becoming, into the partner I dream of becoming, made me hard working, made me motivated and given me hope. You see after every episode I give God praise, because I believe it’s through him I made it through. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel better a lot sooner.

Stranger: Wow, you’re strong. I’ll take my tears back then. I’ll give you a smile. You’re stronger than what people give you credit for, and all it took was a conversation. What about fear, anger?  Yes, what about them?

Me: What about them? I cried not because I lost the job because I felt fear that I wouldn’t be able to provide for myself anymore. I fear I would run out of medication, not be able to see my providers and then be hospitalized; sent home with a bill I can’t pay back. I cried from the anxiety of the unknown. Then I remembered bible scriptures and confirmed my faith, and I realized, I’ve faced this before and my needs were meet. I need to focus on not entering a depression episode. God has me. He will provide for me. I will not lack. It’s the faith, that is based on things I cannot see, in a time a chaos and uncertainty. I’ve made it through homelessness, abuse, rape, neglect, and foster care. I will find another job.

Stranger: Wow. You can get a hug. Stay strong my sister! You got this, be anxious for nothing but in all things pray; be not worried about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough concerns of it’s own. I’m watching over you, I’m protecting you. I’m shielding you, and I have something in mind that’s better for you. Keep your faith in me, and I will not let you go wrong. Now Rest!

Me: Who are you?

Stranger: I am HE!

 

 

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